Greta: Hello, and welcome back. My name is Greta Francis, and welcome back to Hunt or Be Hunted. Tonight, watch as the results are revealed and the first ever Hunted Quiz is conducted...
Greta: I am bringing this episode from the Fabio Room.
Fabio: Hey! I'm not boring.
Greta: You will be in a minute.
Greta: The contestants are gathered in the lounge room to find out the result. Sadly, no table was big enough to seat all 12 contestants. Blame Bartholemew.
Bart: Please just stop calling me that.
Greta: Contestants.
All: Hi Greta!
Greta: How about I announce the winner and the runner ups?
All: Please yes!
Greta: Okay, I can confirm that there are TWO winners.
All: *gasp*
Greta: I can now reveal the winners are.....
Greta: I can now reveal the winners are.....
Greta: Ted and....
Ted: Well I'll be damned. This must be my lucky day.
Ted: Well I'll be damned. This must be my lucky day.
Greta: Jamie!
Jamie: Oh. *blushes*
Jamie: Oh. *blushes*
Greta: That information will now be stored in your files and points will be added to the targets. I can reveal that we also had a tie for second, which will only give them one point. They are....
Greta: Irma and Jocelyn! Congrats to them all.
Jocelyn: Yay.
Irma: Cannot compute excitement.
------
Irma: My initial inspection of this designated reality show living space has provided me with maximum information, However, *ZZZZZZKKKKK* I require a more thorough inspection of the designated human/Inhuman contestants before I can report back to my instructor. I will begin my scan immediately!
Initiating Full Houseguest Scan: 0%
Devra- I detect traces of Blue Blood indicating a presence of Royalty. I also detect this person is indeed Princess Devra of Edensbrough. Social status does not affect my programming, therefore Devra does not compute.
Bradley- Alcohol has been detected upon this person, Drinking on reality show premises is forbidden since the No Privacy act of 2014. Bradley will be disintegrated if this behaviour continues. I must remind all guests that romance is disgusting and is also against my programming.
Marsha- Scan suggests a discrepancy in this human's voice pattern, A Internet search has also found this person has many subscribers on SimTube. Ancient human customs state that whoever has the most subscribers on SimTube wins the internet, Therefore, I am required to like and subscribe any and all videos this human creates.
Ted- This humans moustache is in direct violation of code 1443517 of the Reality Show facial hair act, Therefore Ted's Moustache will be disintegrated unless a fine of $1 million credits of local currency is paid directly to the board of Reality shows.
Jocelyn: Singing does not compute! *ZZZZZZKKKKK* SINGING DOES NOT COMPUTE! *Beep, Beep, Boop, Boop* Here... *ZZZZZZKKKKK* Comes...*BBBUUUZZZ*...The Sun. *Do, Do, Do, Do*
TJ: Multiple criminal convictions have been detected, I will alert my instructor immediately. TJ is to be monitored for future crimes until further notice.
Jamie: This human shows strange behaviour, I will monitor brainwaves in order to further understand this human. I also detect severe issues with this human. Extreme Caution is advised.
Clyde: This human parent shows possible signs of romance, Romance is unacceptable therefore any attempt to initiate romance will be seen as a direct violation of my programming and he will be destroyed.
Zara: Scans suggest this human is in possession of a multi-million credit business called "Brada". As this company shows signs of being an Evil Corporation. I am required to follow any and all orders put to me by its Instructor.
Fabio: This human shows ties to his beloved family, Love is a disgusting human habit, Families do not compute therefore are obsolete. This human does not compute.
Martin: This human shows extreme levels of intelligence far beyond that of a regular human, I am therefore required to believe that Martin is indeed another Inspectron 2000 automated inspection unit. I will make verbal contact and will proceed to share any information gathered with this robot.
Full Houseguest Scan: 100% Complete
Shutting down.....*ZZZZZZZKKKKKK*
Initiating Full Houseguest Scan: 0%
Devra- I detect traces of Blue Blood indicating a presence of Royalty. I also detect this person is indeed Princess Devra of Edensbrough. Social status does not affect my programming, therefore Devra does not compute.
Bradley- Alcohol has been detected upon this person, Drinking on reality show premises is forbidden since the No Privacy act of 2014. Bradley will be disintegrated if this behaviour continues. I must remind all guests that romance is disgusting and is also against my programming.
Marsha- Scan suggests a discrepancy in this human's voice pattern, A Internet search has also found this person has many subscribers on SimTube. Ancient human customs state that whoever has the most subscribers on SimTube wins the internet, Therefore, I am required to like and subscribe any and all videos this human creates.
Ted- This humans moustache is in direct violation of code 1443517 of the Reality Show facial hair act, Therefore Ted's Moustache will be disintegrated unless a fine of $1 million credits of local currency is paid directly to the board of Reality shows.
Jocelyn: Singing does not compute! *ZZZZZZKKKKK* SINGING DOES NOT COMPUTE! *Beep, Beep, Boop, Boop* Here... *ZZZZZZKKKKK* Comes...*BBBUUUZZZ*...The Sun. *Do, Do, Do, Do*
TJ: Multiple criminal convictions have been detected, I will alert my instructor immediately. TJ is to be monitored for future crimes until further notice.
Jamie: This human shows strange behaviour, I will monitor brainwaves in order to further understand this human. I also detect severe issues with this human. Extreme Caution is advised.
Clyde: This human parent shows possible signs of romance, Romance is unacceptable therefore any attempt to initiate romance will be seen as a direct violation of my programming and he will be destroyed.
Zara: Scans suggest this human is in possession of a multi-million credit business called "Brada". As this company shows signs of being an Evil Corporation. I am required to follow any and all orders put to me by its Instructor.
Fabio: This human shows ties to his beloved family, Love is a disgusting human habit, Families do not compute therefore are obsolete. This human does not compute.
Martin: This human shows extreme levels of intelligence far beyond that of a regular human, I am therefore required to believe that Martin is indeed another Inspectron 2000 automated inspection unit. I will make verbal contact and will proceed to share any information gathered with this robot.
Full Houseguest Scan: 100% Complete
Shutting down.....*ZZZZZZZKKKKKK*
Production Gal: Christ she can talk.
Greta: You can talk.
------
Greta: Contestants, I'll see you all later tonight for the quiz.
Bradley: My kiss is like fire.
Greta: That is all.
Zara: Pathetic, really. This boy shares my hair colour but I hate him.
Greta: Well, actually...
Zara: Don't test me. My aim is strong.
Bradley: Hello sunshine. How about a kiss?
Zara: Uh, you're a laugh.
Bradley: Was your father a baker because you're straight out of the oven?
Zara: Wait what?
Bradley: Was your father a baker because you're hot to touch?
Zara: Ew. Please don't touch me.
Bradley: Was your father a baker because you're perfectly cooked?
Zara: Ew. Ew. Ew. Please just leave me alone.
Bradley: I'll be waiting here.
Zara: Yeah, okay.
Bradley: Okay, my sunshine. You just continue being beautiful.
Zara: I'll accept that and move on.
Zara: I don't need that man. I don't need that man.
Greta: Oh hey Zara. What's up?
Zara: Don't watch me.
Bradley: How is everything going in there, honeypants?
Zara: First of all, I'm fine. Secondly, I'm no honeypants.
Bradley: Thirdly, you're so attractive.
Zara: Leave me alone.
Bradley: I'll be waiting
------
Devra: As I was saying, I'm the princess, so therefore I'm probably going to queen soon, and anyone who threatens me will pay.
Ted: Oh, love. That's interesting...
Devra: Indeed. I think my lifestyle is quite refined.
Ted: Hmm. *waves*
Devra: *waves back* Why are we waving all of the sudden?
Ted: Waving builds relationships and trust. I wish everyone would wave a lot more.
Devra: Not many people bow when I walk by them.
Ted: Bowing is vey formal.
Devra: You think I'm not formal enough?
Ted: I didn't say that.
Devra: But you mean it. Guards!
Ted: Don't be silly, child.
Devra: Silly? Me? Never.
Ted: I see.
Devra: What do you see?
Ted: Oh nothing much recently. My wife is currently playing on this other show, Zero Privacy. Heard of it?
Devra: I see what you did there. Changing the subject and such.
Ted: I don't see what I did, dear. I just decided to talk about my wife.
Devra: She sounds like a exciting woman.
Ted: Not quite. She's rarely excited.
Devra: How so?
Ted: She was always a bit sad or a lot sad. Maybe being surrounded by reality friends will help her.
Devra: Well, hope she's happy soon. I need to go find my tiara.
Ted: I hope so too.
Devra: Toodles.
Ted: I'll talk-
*Irma enters the room*
Irma: I sense the waiter's pause. Must not react.
Devra: Oh look it's Irma. I'll let the two of you chat it up.
Ted: Okay, bye now.
Irma: Should talk to Ted. Apologize for interuption.
Ted: Irma, no need to apologize.
Irma: Accepted.
---
Marsha: Hello everyone and welcome to the kiiitcheeeeeen. I am here in the Hunte Estaaate now, I made me a grande enter yesterday, and now I'm sure y'all will watch becuz evry one of you wanna see me sing and all that stuv. Some peeples in the house are a bunch of haaaaaturs, but the Ted dude is acting like some liker, yaaaaaay. That Bradley and Martin kiddos are little weiros though, there is only 1 real man in the wurld that I luv and that is Justin Biebeeerrrr! Once he wull see me he will luv me too and we will marry and have a lot of baaaaabbies babbies babbies, oooooh, who can sing very goooooooood. Now, be good with hooomework, eat yur hamburger with fries a day for daily vitamins and go to bed eurly at 5. Byyee!
TJ: Hey, Marsha. How you doing?
Marsha: Has enyone teld ewe that you look liek Justin Bieber?
TJ: I'll take that as a compliment.
Marsha: Ew are ewe hitten' on me?
TJ: Definitely not.
Marsha: That's funneh.
TJ: I wasn't joking. I wouldn't date you.
Marsha: Arrr you surrre?
TJ: I have an idea. I don't mind you, and I think we can get along. How about a small alliance, where I don't fully trust you and you don't fully trust me?
Marsha: I 'ill think about eet.
Marsha: I 'ave thinked about it. I will alliance with you, MJ.
TJ: It's TJ, as in-
Greta: Aha! Dammit, I interupted too early.
TJ: Go back to your day job.
TJ: It's TJ, as in-
Greta: Aha! Dammit, I interupted too early.
TJ: Go back to your day job.
----
Jocelyn: *hmm, hmm, hmm*
Greta: Jocelyn jumps into the pool.
Jocelyn: You heard nothing, Joce, this is just a happy swim.
Greta: Like a leaping gazelle, she springs into the water.
Jocelyn: Just sit here calmly and don't jump in too quickly.
Greta: The pool splashes against her skin, and she springs back to the surface to take a breath.
Jocelyn: I bet you're enjoying this fake story.
Greta: Actually, I'm filling out a crossword while I wait for the night to come.
Jocelyn: I think I might swim now.
Greta: She leaps back into the water, the green moss passing her as she dips into the aquamarine liquid.
Jocelyn: I can't hear anything under the water.
Greta: She swims laps in the blue water of the pool, passes the greenery without a care in the world. She doesn't seem to notice anything but the water surrounding her.
Jocelyn: It's actually quite refreshing in here. I can't believe it's not bigger.
Greta: Complain all you like.
Greta: Jamie steps into the courtyard, spotting Jocelyn.
Jamie: Ah! I don't like the idea of this narration.
Jocelyn: Narration? I drowned that all out.
Chanel: *from afar* You mean you drowned?
*a camera zooms up closer*
Jamie: Please leave me.
Greta: Screen time means votes.
Jocelyn: I thought this wasn't based on votes at all?
Greta: I meant ratings. Still frazzled from the last challenge.
Jocelyn: I've been wanting to talk to you, Jamie. You seem quiet and much like me, when I was a child. You're like a young, innocent version of me.
Greta: Ooh, I forgot to narrate as you jumped out of the pool.
Jamie: *whispers* I don't think she needed it...
Jocelyn: Jamie, did you hear me? Did you want me sing it? (to the tune of 'Save Me' by Queen) Jamie, Jamie, Jamieeeeeee.
Jamie: I don't like that.
Production Guy: You sure? That smile says otherwise.
Jocelyn: Aw, she likes my singing.
Clyde: Hello ladies.
Jocelyn: I don't want to be the stepmother to your daughter.
Jamie: *whispering* Me neither.*praying*
Production Guy: Me neither.
Greta: Bart, you're a dude. You will never be anyone's step mother.
Clyde: I just wanted to talk to the two of you, not ask you to marry me.
Jamie: Thank... you.
Clyde: I was making my rounds to meet everyone and you two were next on my list. The two J girls.
Jocelyn: Okay, well, here I am. I have a question though.
Jamie: I think... I think I have... one too.
Clyde: Hit me.
Jocleyn: Are you targeting me? I want to know before the quiz tonight.
Jamie: *mumbling* That was my question too, yes.
Clyde: Why would I target someone like you?
Jocelyn: You didn't get a choice. None of us did.
Clyde: There's a small chance I drew either of you.
Jocelyn: Is that a yes or a no?
Clyde: They told me I can't tell anyone.
Jocelyn: Here's a deal: You tell me and I'll find you a step-whatever for your daughter.
Clyde: Where did this side come from?
------
Greta: With only hours before the quiz, the house is silent.
Greta: Only one sound disturbs the peace. The door swings open, and the contestant walks outside.
Production Guy: ...And Bart considers locking the host up like that one scene in Season 1...
Production Gal: Which is now streaming repeats on our sister channel.
Greta: Who is it? Who will it be? Let's see.
*stereotypical Big Brother myster-esque sounds*
Greta: They, the contestant that is, walks closer towards the diary room.
Greta: Hello, Martin.
Martin: Host, I have a confession to make. I think I left the faucet on at home, and if my mother finds out I flooded yet another house, I'll be killed. Can I please go home to check?
Greta: So you will forfeit your position in the game?
Martin: Would you rather I forfeit my position in life?
Greta: It's been...average having you here, Martin Beebe. Has anyone ever told you your last name is oddly similar to a certain unmentionable celebrity?
Martin: God no. I'll be on my way home now.
Greta: Martin Beebe is the first person leaving the Hunted Manor. Goodbye. We'll be back after this short ad break.
------
Voice: Premiering tonight after Hunt or Be Hunted....A Talk With Reality Stars. On tonight's episode, two reality stars known for their fiesty attitudes chat it up.
London: Welcome, Jupiter. I've been missing watching you on that Survivor show. It was good for a laugh.
Jupiter: London, that's you! Wow, you've...shaved your head. Can't say I like it.
London: Well, as you know, they kicked me off Zero Privacy for no good reason and now here I am, talking to you. I wanted a change, and I heard about this interesting concept...shaving for a cure, they call it. There goes my hair, chappie. I flew to Australia for them to shave it off, and while it was extremely hot and humid, I can say that a father-daughter trip funder by my dear dad was definitely worth it. Now, I want to know what you've been up to, Jupiter.
Jupiter: Well, the host of Simvivor just up and left us one day, and so the whole cast just got kicked off the property and sent home. I still wanted to romance it up with Dustin, but luckily I got his phone number. My brother is free from prison, and my sister just got engaged. Nothing as fancy as shaving my head happened, darling. I'm still managing my jewelery business, and no, I haven't killed anyone.
London: Well that's always charming.
Jupiter: Do you still watch Zero Privacy?
London: Do you still watch Simvivor?
Jupiter: I can't.
London: Neither can I, I'm afriad.
Jupiter: Are you afraid you'll let it all out and cry in front of dear old dad?
London: I don't cry, and my relationship with my dad is on the rocks, so I'd like it if you didn't speak about him.
Jupiter: Sorry, baldie.
------
Greta: Welcome back, viewers. We're now ready to see the first even Hunt Quiz take place. In this 5-question quiz, the contestants must answer the questions to the best of their ability in order to earn a bonus frrom this week. There are two 'ordinary' bonuses; one to deduce a point from their pot and one to add a point to their target. However, some weeks, like the next, there is a special prize on offer. This prize is exclusive and specific to that week. Who will beat the quiz this week?
Greta: I had my sister fill this quiz in earlier today, with a generated fake target, and she scored a two, and one of the questions is about our mother. So she was guarrenteed that one. Enough about that, let's begin.
Greta: One by one, contestants will enter this room and entering their results into this computer. They will not have any help with the answers, nor will they be able to view the other contestants' answers. This is strictly their own doing.
Greta: *over speakers* Contestants, now it is time for the quiz. One by one, I'll call you into the room accessed by the door to the left of the bench outside. Just look for Bart.
Production Guy: Yeah, look at Bart more often.
Greta: Bart! Shush.
Greta: The five questions you are asked shouldn't be too difficult, one of them may be too hard for you contestants.
Production Guy: I bet I can name your mother right now.
Greta: Go on.
Production Guy: It's Melanie, no. It's Ruby. No, no, it's Sylvia!
Greta: None of the above.
Greta: *over the speakers* It's time. Who will score the highest on the quiz and who will absolutely flop?
Devra: A princess should never flop.
TJ: Is that something they taught you in princess girly drama school?
Bradley: Calm down, boy. I won't mind swinging either side, if you get my drift.
Zara: Stop flirting with people! They hate it!
Irma: I hate you. I hate you. System malfunction.
Jamie: Please stop yelling.
Ted: This is such a unfriendly bunch of people.
Greta: *over speakers* Shut up, all of you! Can we continue?
All: Yes.
Greta: Question one: For the majority of the challenge, one of the contestants was leading with 0 points. Who?
Greta: Question two: who scored the highest in the first challenge, meaning they lost the most?
Greta: Question three: do you believe your hunter was in the first or second bunch of six contestants? Please answer as you wish.
Greta: Question four: My name is Greta Francis, and my sister's name is Chanel Francis. What is the name of our mother? Is it Francine, Sara, Mamie, Eileen, Alison, Helena or Yvette.
Greta: Final question, and the most important question of them all: who is targeting you? Is it Clyde or Irma? Is it Jocelyn or TJ? Is it Marsha or Fabio? Is it Bradley or Devra? Is it Zara or Ted? Or is it Jamie?
Production Guy: Or is it Bart?
Greta: Bart! Stop. It's not you. You were terrible in that audition. I'm kidding.
Greta: *over the speakers* Thank you contestants. Bart and Anna are busy counting the scores up right now, so why don't I tell everyone a joke?
Ted: That would be most pleasant.
Marsha: Jerks! Jerks!
Zara: How rude.
TJ: She was just saying jokes. Don't go stepping on toes, De Vil.
Greta: Did you hear about the circus fire?
Irma: Fire detection. Must find source.
Greta: It was intense.
Clyde: That wasn't a funny joke.
Greta: Fine, I have another one while we wait.
Bradley: Hit me up.
Marsha: *playfully punches his shoulder*
Bradley: Hey!
Greta: Ready? What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Zara: What, a blind dinosaur? That's nonsense.
Fabio: You're nonsense.
TJ: Ooh, burn.
Greta: It's a doyouthinkhesaurus! Isn't that cute?
Ted: That's brilliant, will have to tell my wife when I see her next.
Greta: It's time to reveal the result of the quiz. We have one winner. For the purposes of this game, I will not reveal what that winner scored, but I can say they were the only person to score said score.
Bradley: You look nice tonight.
Jocelyn: Don't hit on the host too.
Greta: Bradley, would you like the first strike of the season?
Bradley: I wouldn't.
Greta: Good, because I want to reveal the highest scorer. I can reveal that their prize is the ability to remove one point from their name at any time. This contestant, and any other highest placing contestant on the quizzes, can also request a hint on where the place with their amount of points, but I can only answer with low or high. I can reveal that the highest scorer is.....
Greta: Jamie O'Connor! Well done.
Jamie: Can I pass?
Greta: No. You earnt it.
Jamie: Okay, thank...you.
Greta: Thank you contestants, I will see you soon for the second challenge. Have your thinking caps ready, this next challenge will test your ability to think on the spot.
Irma: Thinking required. Am ready for function. Built for this.
Devra: Usually my servants think for me, but I do want to win.
Greta: I'm Greta Francis, and this has been Hunt or Be Hunted. Thank you for watching tonight. Up next, A Talk With Reality Stars. London Howard from Zero Privacy and Jupiter Hill from Simvivor answer fan-questions and discuss life after reality shows. Then, after those two, join Stacy and Andrew on the panel for Hunt or Be Hunted After Dark.
Goodnight.
