Outside the Target, Episode Nine: Homecoming

Here is the ninth episode of 'Outside the Target', titled...'Homecoming'...

Ted: Marsha? 

Marsha: Aigh ees ahmeest raydee, Tedday! Gahmme 'nahtha fahyeew meeneets, plahs… 

Ted: Of course, of course...I'll just be waiting downstairs. 

Marsha: Ohkie, Tedday! 

Previously, on Outside the Target...

Greta and Tim said goodbye, as they prepared for some time away from the bustle of the house - but their goodbye stayed secretive, and the fanfare was lulled. Irma disappeared, yet again. The others settled into a year without a few of their friends. 

Then Greta and Tim resurfaced, and things had changed. 

Marsha: Waarr ere ewe, Tedday? Moi thaaght ewe wahld bae dahn befahr moi! Hehe, Tedday ees slahw! 

Ted: Pardon, Marsha! 

Marsha: Ewe thaght moi wash een bahdreem! Wraaang! Moi nahdeed tah spick wit mahgeeck mahreer! 

Devra: Are you two ready? 

We're waiting in the kitchen for you two - makes sense Marsha is taking forever. 

Ted: We will be right there, Devra! 

Ted: Oh, you are down here, Marsha. I assumed you were in your room, or in the bathroom, getting ready still - 

Marsha: Whaa deh ewe pipple theenk moi ees sah dim slagh! Moi ees fist! 

Ted: You do enjoy taking time for perfection, my dear. 

Marsha: Sah ewe wahnt moi tah roosh parfaition? Hmphm. 

Ted: No, no, of course not - 

Marsha: Moi ees kahdeeng! Moi knews theest! 

Ted: Oh - oh - of course! 

Devra: Come on, guys! 
There's some people to see you, too. 
Ted: Perhaps it is best to give us a few extra moments? 
Devra: Oh, sure...I'll be in the kitchen with the others. 

.

.

Bradley: So, why no call, you guys? 

TJ: We...we thought the surprise would be fun, I guess - 

Greta: This was our home about a year ago...

Jocelyn: It's just...

Jocelyn: It's alarming, that's all, to see the two of you pop back up out of nowhere unannounced, at night, right before we're headed out - 

Bradley: Joce -

Jocelyn: I would've liked a call...

Greta: I'm sorry, Jocelyn - I am. 

Devra: Quite honestly, I expected you both to waltz home when it helped you the most. I...I am not annoyed. It is good to see you, both of you. 

TJ: It's good to be here again. 

Devra: A lot has happened over the year you've been away. 

Greta: We've assumed. A lot...a lot has happened for us, we...we don't think we can just tell it all in a few words, or a sentence, or two. 

Bradley: How much time do we have, babe - 

Jocelyn: Not a lot - 

Greta: We'll just have to skip nothing unimportant then. 

Devra: I wonder - is all of your past year important? 

Greta: ...there are moments that we can gloss over. 

Devra: Hmm? 

TJ: I don't need to tell you about all the food I chomped on, or every time I took a big fat - 

Greta: Tim! 

TJ: What? *he grins* I was just telling the harsh truth. 

Devra: I do not need the fine details, yes. 

Greta: I can skip over the stories I can tell later. 

TJ: Oh I have some good ones, Devra. 

Bradley: And then, when we've heard the important stuff, you can go get ready quickly and we can head out and enjoy the night, forget about the fact you came here when we didn't expect it - 

Jocelyn: Yeah...

Bradley: You left heaps of your clothes, Greta. 

Jocelyn: I hope we won't be late. 

Greta: You won't be late, Jocelyn. We'll be fast. I promise. 

Jocelyn: Is this a promise you'll keep? 

Greta: There's no need to get defensive, Jocelyn. I...I'm sorry we barged right in on everything again, but you left the door open for us when we needed to come home -

Jocelyn: I only thought I'd get more notice...

Greta: Just know that this is what Tim and I thought was best for the safety of everyone - right, babe? 

TJ: Exactly. 

Greta: We worried calling would alarm you. 

TJ: Yeah, 'cause showing up randomly wouldn't - I kid, I kid. 

Jocelyn: Best for everyone's safety - you two are in danger? What did you do, something illegal in a far off land and - 

Bradley: Joce - 

Greta: No, she's allowed to get defensive now. We brought up safety. It's...it's only because not everything went to plan while we were away. But we didn't start a fire. 

Devra: I, for one, do not care for that metaphor. If it even is a metaphor. 

Bradley: Yeah, maybe they actually didn't start the fire that burnt down a forest of trees, or a big building, or -

Devra: That's enough, Bradley. 

Greta: Shall we begin then? 

TJ: I don't see any reason why not, my lady - 

Greta: Okay, smart-ass, let me do the talking...

__________________

One Year Ago...

[Italics indicates narration, eg. voice over] 
[Script-like segments (name in capitals) are live scenes - the conversations at the time] 

Greta: Our plan from the start was a getaway. We wanted to escape from the drama of this life, from the busy bustle of it and just...well, relax. We took off to an island paradise, Isola, the brochure called it. It was...it was heaven. The sunlight touched my skin and I tanned, welcoming all of it. Those first few days...I had nothing to complain of. 

Tim was loving it too. He didn't have to talk to people if he didn't want to, he wandered the beach when he thought about fishing, and sometimes he did fish, caught us dinner every now and then. Surprise, Tim likes to fish, he was using it to escape - 

Tim: No, I was using it to catch food - 

Greta: You were using it to escape too, admit it. 

Tim: Okay...fine. 

Tim: It was peaceful out there, by the ocean. You probably don't expect someone like me to look for peace, tough guy Tim-TJ, but yeah...I liked it a lot. After having to deal with the drama of this show, and Hunt or Hunted before that...well, it felt good to just sit in the sunlight and wait for sweet cancer death to come for me...

Greta: Well, that's depressing, babe. 

Greta: I noticed how peaceful it was for him, even if he didn't say so sometimes. I could see us staying there, in paradise, for the rest of time. It wasn't like anyone back here in the house was awaiting my return, and Tim could go back when he wanted to see Bradley, and Jocelyn, and the baby...well, toddler now. I was getting comfortable with the idea. 

My life would be skipping stones. It would be grilling fish, and swimming, and climbing trees, and skipping stones. There's a charm to that. Carefree. Like a child again. I wouldn't have been there if I hadn't hosted High Hopes season two and gotten myself involved as much as I did. So I owed this life, at that paradise, to a show I'd given away so easily...

I tried not to think of that, when I wanted to be happy, and smiling, and living my life. But of course it was eat away at me. 

Jocelyn: So you tried to make it better? 

Greta: I didn't know what I could do at that point - 

Jocelyn: You could have tried - 

Greta: It was too late, Jocelyn. 

Tim and I were happy, and he never mentioned regrets. I don't know if he was ever worried about what I did. I hope he was. I was always worried it would be the thing he left me for. That I had fucked up our relationship by thinking about our relationship and passing on the reality show so I could spend more time with him.

I would trade this paradise to go back and host the third season of High Hopes. 

But then...every time I looked at him, my mind changed. It was perfect there with him. It was serene. It was like I never knew paradise. 

TJ: Then why didn't we stay? 

Greta: You know why...

TJ: I guess I do. 

It was like we were walking on water there. 

Greta: One day we were sitting by a pond, further in from the shoreline. We were talking, we were laughing, everything in between...a perfect morning. The lilies were beautiful. The sun didn't feel like it was burning. 

TJ: You told me then that you didn't want to move just yet, just stare at the water. Sit there. I thought you were peaceful. 

Greta: Do you remember what I said to you that day? 

TJ: You said...you said the paradise was over. You never said why, but I knew. 

Greta: It was hard to leave. But I had to. You didn't push to stay, you accepted it and wanted to continue the adventure with me...I'm glad. 

So we left Isola.

I think the silence, bar the lapping of water, or a seagull, that was what was killing me. Maybe, I thought, I could find my calm in someplace surrounded by people, but still with our own room, our own place - we started renting out a place we found on HomeStay, this app we found. It was legit. The house was adorable. So was Tim - is Tim. 

TJ: *audibly groans* 

Greta: It was in Monte Vista that we started to fall into a routine, and part of me really loved that. Becoming a normal person after being, I suppose, a faux-person during my public career...not that I was ever really famous, because who pays much attention to the host of a few television shows...

It was in Monte Vista that I saw the first episode of the third season. I watched those contestants invite themselves into certain death, and I listened as the narrator confirmed all of my fears. It...it was agony. 

GRETA

"Tim, hey, uh...you might want to come...come out here" 

At first the rush of tap water drowned out my voice, but when I called for him again, he came rushing out, thinking someone was breaking into the house. 

Tim: Well, you weren't very clear - 

Greta: I think I'd be screaming if someone was trying to attack me, or whatever burglars do. 

GRETA

"I...can I turn it off, Tim?"

TIM

"We...we can turn it off, yeah." He paused. "You know I don't blame you. 

GRETA

"I...I still feel guilty, but I know...I love you." 

We changed the channel, and just like that, we forgot, and I feel sick thinking I could just turn it off, like a light switch - just like that. But that house was turning into Pleasantview, I suppose - everything was coming up roses. Ironic. I've been to Pleasantview once.

TJ: Oh? How was it? 

Greta: It was pleasant. But also...it didn't stop raining! 

We'd been there for...one month? Two? Something like that. Maybe one and a half months. It was again, perfect, everywhere with Tim is, but...maybe the trip was beginning to prove I just couldn't stay in one place for too long, without something to hold me down there...because Tim would come with me wherever I would go. 

I love Monte Vista. It's beautiful, stunning, everything in between. I'd go back again in a heartbeat, but...the last few days there, I decided I needed to do something with my life now that I'd...now that I'd sold the reality show to a bunch of murders. Who even signed off on that? 

I guess I did.

TIM

"You want to...where exactly will we go for this? 

GRETA

"I need to do something that helps people, knowing what...what has happened with High Hopes."

So, we decided to end our holiday in Monte Vista, because I knew where I needed to go...there was someone I knew would welcome me. 

Maybe it would have been wise to go straight to her, instead. 
TJ: You didn't think of her when we set out - 
Greta: I know. I just wanted a holiday. But my heart is blackened a little bit too much...I should have seen earlier that I intended to help people to pay back. 

We spent one final day in Monte Vista. The vista, that view, it is incredible - you see the whole world just from one hill, one mountaintop. 
Tim and I did our final sightseeing, just taking in everything again, for the last time. Bradley, Jocelyn - you two need to go someday, if you can trust Tim and I to look after Jamie. Or take him when he's older. 

TIM
"What's the matter, Greta?"
GRETA
"I'm just thinking about my sister. How I haven't seen her in a while. I have no clue where she is now, after the show ended she...she's a whirlwind that doesn't slow down, so it makes sense..."
TIM
"Give her a call, tonight?" 

GRETA
"I'll hope she answers."
TIM
"You two are so close. Of course she'll answer."
GRETA
"She's probably out somewhere, too distracted to notice her big sis is calling. You remember Chanel. Her life is crazy - 
My life is crazy too. I never forget that. 

So we said goodbye to Monte Vista, boy what a hot day that was. I felt sorry for you, Tim, because you always wear black, and I'm sure you were sweating more than I was - 
TJ: It was alright. 
Greta: Oh yeah sure, sure. 

Greta: We started renting out this little house on the docks, almost like a houseboat but it never moved, just there on the edge of the pier. This was in Massill County, where I knew she would be. I'd called ahead, and she was more than happy to hear from me. We'd been friends in college. It was more than the right path I could go down. 

At first, Tim thought it was the perfect opportunity to just laze off and be himself, do nothing with his days - 
TJ: Hey! I was looking for a job!
Greta: I know you were...I was just teasing. 
Tim was searching, and soon enough he found an opportunity that could keep him busy. 

I settled into being the dutiful wife too, despite us not being married or anything. You know, I asked him about that once while we were gone, if we'd get married...he said he'd think about it, but he doesn't know if he's ready for a commitment like that. 

Tim volunteered his time to the military of the county, mostly it was just training and minor security details, but he was enjoying it. It kept him busy, and the military liked him, because he wasn't a pussy. Oh sorry...because he wasn't a coward. 
Jocelyn: Warn me next time so I can cover Jamie's ears...
Greta: I'm sorry, Jocelyn. 

I made sure I was settled in before I was slated to start my work with her, because she'd told me over the phone it would require me to be comfortable and ready for anything, but the moment I was, I sent her an email and she asked me to come in to talk a few days later. It was interesting, a job I'd never quite done before, but I was hopeful it would help people...and I felt the guilt every day. 

I wasn't nervous that first day as I was unsure whether to be eager or be calm and reassure myself. I decided to walk in there with a smile, a cheery attitude, and greet an old friend - then tell her enough to let her know I truly wanted to help, more than anything. Meanwhile, Tim would be helping, too. Not that he had guilt, but maybe he did. We're all a little guilty of something. 

Her name is Melanie. She and I met in college - she was in the dorm room opposite mine, and we ran into each other at first a few times, promising to hang out more often when we had time. Then, a friendship blossomed. She'd always talked about her future initiatives - she liked knowing about such things as politics and the environment, and she liked people, genuinely. 

GRETA
"It's great to see you, Mel."
MELANIE
"And you too, Greta. Thank you for taking me up on my offer."
GRETA
"I should have seen myself getting too caught up and needing a place to come back to the ground at. I'm here to help out, Mel." 

Some time ago, Mel started up her company, dedicated to the people. Its central focus is the homeless, and the needy. Her charity organises soup kitchens, and care packages, and at Christmas, they collect donations for children in need, so they can have toys, and new clothes, and food. She's a true wonder, Mel is. I'd always thought she had the potential to help out the world. 

She introduced me to everyone, to everything in the office. I worked with them for a few months, and I felt...well, I felt like I was achieving things. 
Soon enough they told me of their plans to head somewhere out of the county to meet with a similar company, with similar goals, in order to arrange a sort of sister-company friendship. This probably sounds a little hard to explain, but the idea was simple - they wanted to help out as many people in need as they could. 

So I was sent with Dex to Shang Simla.
Another beautiful, exotic city, rich in culture. 
I only wish Tim could have been there with me.

We had some free time between meetings and trips outside of the city, and I spent the time enjoying the city for the both of us. I'd wished we'd ventured to some far off land during Hunt or Be Hunted, but it was never really in the cards...I suppose we went camping the one time, yeah? Did I even go with them? I can't remember. Camping is nothing compared to Shang Simla. It is beautiful there. 

Dex had told me he recognised me, but hadn't said much about it because he'd heard I didn't want my name to influence what we were doing, within the charity. I respected that, and I respect him - he's a smart kid, with a great future ahead of him.

He told me I could have the rest of the day off, to clear my head. It was almost overwhelming being in such a beautiful place, yet knowing there was still struggle, and in that moment I thought I was in over my head thinking I could change that. 

I ended up in a garden, surrounded by the peace of nature. Dex texted me to say he hoped I wasn't opposed to having Chinese again for dinner, with a laughing face beside it. It made me smile. I responded, then switched off my phone and let the peace overwhelm me. 
Then I heard his voice. 
And maybe it was in my head, but it sounded just like him. 

The garden was beside the martial arts academy, and there he was, practicing, that's what it seemed like. That he would fit right in here, and find his anger and settle it down with a few jabs at the weird thing that only partially looked like a sim. I wished he could have come with me, and seen Shang Simla, and been with me for this journey, and perhaps more guilt pilled on because I'd left him behind to focus on helping others. 

I didn't know exactly what was meant to be in my life, and perhaps I was not meant for a life of charity work, or perhaps I was not meant for reality television, but...well, I was meant to be with Tim, I'd thought, in that moment, and I wanted to race back to him, leave Shang Simla behind....I was starting to feel too selfish again. I had no idea how I was ever going to find my groove without Tim. 

I settled in back at where we were staying, waiting around for Dex to come back. It had a beautiful view, maybe less so from the dining area, but the rolling landscape was more beautiful than back home, it had some quality to it I just couldn't name...I'd go back there too, in a heartbeat. 

DEX
"How was your day, then, Greta?"
GRETA
"It was relaxed, but...but I miss my boyfriend, as cheesy as I sound."
DEX
"It's alright...I miss mine too. We'll be home soon enough." 

I knew he was right. Soon enough, we'd be going home, or where I was calling home at the moment. A tiny little place near the water. It wasn't home. I liked helping people, and I know helping people is important, but...I suppose I started this trip as a holiday, and I knew it couldn't end in me uprooting our lives. Tim belonged back with his friends, and I...I belonged some place else. 

I don't know where I belong. 

That house wasn't home. 
The house in Monte Vista wasn't home. 
The island paradise wasn't home. 

We intended to come back to the Outside the Target house from there, booked our flights and everything, but...I remembered something Mel had pointed out to me. Some people I could help, while making our way back to Hidden Springs....

.
.
.

We return now to live scenes - Greta's narration (for the most part) has ended. 

TJ: Why are we in the middle of the woods anyway? 
Greta: It's not the middle of the woods...there's a road just back there! 
TJ: Well...we're walking into the woods, anyway. Why?
Greta: It was Mel's idea. 

Greta: Mel told me about a group that camps this way by an abandoned...well, she said it's just a few walls now, but they camp there. No money, or not much of it, and they have it tough. I - 
TJ: I don't know what we can help with - 
Greta: We can talk with them, Mel mentioned they have a suggestion for the work - 

TJ: The homeless are going to suggest how we can help the homeless? Nifty. 
Greta: Don't be a sour puss, Tim. I promised I'd do my best to help out. Mel thought it would be best to not just send a care package, but a team to talk to them, and hopefully help them socially. Make a good impression. 
TJ: I'm glad we dumped our luggage in the hotel anyhow. 

Greta: Look, it's not as though these people are going to ambush us - Mel said when she visited they trusted her, and they're not tribal anyway. They are just some people in need, and maybe we could get them jobs? Who knows? 
TJ: Do you even know how the employment field works? 
Greta: Uh, yeah, of course - 

Greta: I had a part-time job once, you know. I scanned groceries. It was fun. Not. But still...I know the lay of the land when it comes to a supermarket. Did you know customers who claim they are right are usually wrong? 
TJ: Yeah, of course I knew that, people are idiots - wait...is that a window? 
Greta: It used to be a building, remember? 

TJ: It looks like someone beat her up. Harsh. 
Greta: Babe...I think maybe now is when we cut off the commentary and start to say hello? 
TJ: Oh okay...hey there? My name is TJ...is it short for something? Maybe? You don't need to know. 

Cyrus: Well-dressed people. 
Charmaine: At least I see no make-up. No need to rub that in our faces. 
Cyrus: I bet I'd be pretty in make-up. 
Charmaine: Oh yeah, real drag queen. Haha. 

Elias: Hello there. 
Greta: It's good to meet you, Elias. I'm Greta, and this here is - 
Elias: Your husband? 
Greta: He's my boyfriend, but close enough. We're close friends of Melanie, or Mel, I'm not sure how she introduced herself. 

Cyrus: She didn't give out no kisses. 
Elias: Don't listen to him. Jeannie beat him in a fight last night, and he's been sulking about it all day, even tried to sneak half of her food when she wasn't looking. Come in, by the fire, it's awfully cold. 

Greta: It is, huh? I should have brought you some new blankets, I will when we come back - 
TJ: We plan to come back? Fantastic. 
Elias: What did he say, your lover? 
Greta: He said the heat of the fire is fantastic, and it is. 

Elias: You can thank my daughter, Rosemary. It's her duty each night to get it sorted, and she's better at it than old me is. Her mother...is no longer with us. 
Greta: It's nice to meet you, Rosemary. 
TJ: Yeah, a definite pleasure. *Greta punches his arm* Thank you for the fire. 
Elias: Some nights we sleep earlier, so you're lucky. 

Rosemary: Some nights we don't sleep at all, but that's fine. 
TJ: Oh I hear that, sister. On the nights when we both wake up, Greta and I, we sort of just stare at the ceiling and think of how the stars look - I'm sorry.
Rosemary: It is fine. Ceilings are boring. I prefer the night sky. 
TJ: I like that. 

Greta: I'm glad I have the opportunity to talk to you, Elias. Mel has told me about your idea for communication - 
Elias: Then she has told you we want out of these woods. 
Greta: She has been looking for suitable accommodation for you and your friends, and I have been helping her - 

Elias: You see, this clearing around, take a look at it - not just the walls, and the trees, and the ground, but the people. They need proper food more often, and they need a bath, gosh we smell. But truly, they need a home. 
Greta: I understand, Elias - 
Elias: Perhaps you do, Miss Francis, but - 
Greta: How do you know my last name? 

TJ: This ain't a set up, is it? 
Greta: No, it can't be - 
Elias: I hope you understand what I am trying to say. We have lived in this clearing for some time, and...and, well, we believe that you can certainly help us move on from here into someplace more...more comfortable. 
TJ: This a set up...

Elias: Jeannie is filled with rage from her abusive father, who ruined her childhood. How terrific it would be for her to have a bedroom of her own, and a roof above her head again, and a shower! And if she were away from men...oh, Jeannie would be so happy, hey Jeannie? 
Jeannie: Nothing would make me happier. 

Elias: And Cyrus, well, he needs a shower first, he probably smells the worst, or maybe I do...who can tell when all you smell is shit? Give that boy a shower, and give him a phone and a computer, and maybe he'll make a life for himself, or maybe he'll set out to right the wrongs of the many who betrayed him? Who can tell, but Cyrus. 
Cyrus: I'd like all that a lot, hey. 

Elias: See, I recognised you the moment I saw you, Greta Francis. I remember seeing you on the television. Miss Francis, she thought she was indestructible. Did she? Or maybe she was edited that way? 
Greta: I don't have to stay here, Elias - 
Elias: But I'm afraid you have to. Charmaine here can even go out into the big world, find your sister, and hold her as leverage. 
TJ: Oh for fuck sake. 

____

Greta: They said they had her, somewhere safe, but she wouldn't be free till there was enough to show their lives would improve. We ended up staying with them for a while, they chopped off some of my hair, showed me some of my sisters, TJ became friends with Rosemary at least...I was working out a logical escape in my head, hoping I could worm out of giving them the literal world on a silver platter...

Cyrus: Jeannie...Jeannie! Wake up. 
Jeannie: Go away, Cyrus. 
Cyrus: I still don't trust those two. I know, I know, if they try to flee, the one named Chanel will be killed, but...well, what if Greta murders us? 
Jeannie: She is too weak, Cyrus.  

Charmaine: Are we doing the right thing, Elias? 
Elias: If not this, then we die out here one day, struck by lightning or starved or frozen to death or what, eaten by a bear? She has money, Charmaine. 
Charmaine: I know, I know. Is foolish to worry. 
Elias: I'm getting hungry myself. 

TJ: Babe...
Greta: All will be okay, Tim. 
TJ: I don't even know what shit is happening at the moment. I thought we were headed home and everything and then...
Greta: We will survive this. Together. Always together. 

Greta: What's for dinner tonight, sir Elias? 
Elias: Ha, sir again, you forget who I am, Greta. 
Greta: You're my elder. It's polite. 
TJ: If you say so. He's holding us captive, and your sister, and trying to blackmail us, but sure, don't forget to be polite and don't forget your etiquette. Use the right cutlery, of course. 

Elias: I've noticed TJ likes to ramble on just softer enough for my old ears to not hear. He's free to, of course. I wish he'd contribute more often, though. 
TJ: Well, I am sorry, old man. 
Elias: Haha, old man. Two waves different in the ocean. 
Greta: Don't mind him sometimes, TJ - he's from a different world, I suppose is why you two can't get along well enough. 

Rosemary: My father can be a difficult man, I'm sorry. 
Elias: There's really no need to apologise for me, daughter. 
Rosemary: I'm sorry, father - does the fire need any more wood? 
Elias: It's fine as it is, thanks. 

Cyrus: I assume our guests are still yet to come to a decision about how they plan to help us, then. 
Greta: I've been plotting everything out these past few days, definitely. 
Cyrus: Let me know when the day has come. 
Greta: Oh, you'll be the first to know, Cyrus. 

Elias: We all patiently await the day you bring us to our new homes, and we reunite you with your sister. See, it's just a friendly trade - 
Jeannie: A very interesting trade. 
Elias: But a trade that makes sense for all of us. Gives us the best lives possible. 
TJ: Oh, for sure. 

Greta: I think it would be wisest if TJ and I were able to return home to further sort everything out...cell reception here is not the greatest. 
Cyrus: And how can we trust you'll come back? 
Greta: You have my sister. I'm not going to let her die, or get hurt, or whatever you plan to do to her. 
Elias: You strike a fair deal, Miss Francis. 

Jeannie: So you can return home, promise not to alert any authorities or try to dupe us, and then come back with all necessary planning? 
Greta: Exactly. I'll even have some care packages sent out to you all once we've left, so you can rest easy knowing we'll be back for further help. 

TJ: You can trust us. 
Charmaine: Can we, boy who talks not so much? 
Rosemary: We can trust them. I trust them. 
TJ: I promise you. If we don't return to live up our promise, kill me instead. Butcher me instead. Rip out my intestines instead. 

Elias: You hear that, Miss Francis? Your boyfriend is betting his life on this plan to be a success. I do hope you come back. 
Greta: I'm not one to let people die, Elias - 
Elias: Oh, but you've forgotten about The Circus then? 
Greta: How - how do you know about that? 

Rosemary: Father knew the girl that got killed first. Cory. Well...we knew her. She was my cousin. I know it wasn't you who killed her, but...well, father blames you. 

Elias: Of course I do. 

Rosemary: I trust the both of you will come back soon enough with everything sorted out. Right, TJ? 

TJ: Of course. Greta? 
Greta: We will be back. 

TJ: Otherwise I'll be lining up for death, I suppose. 
Greta: Surely they won't murder you - 
Cyrus: Oh, surely not? 
Jeannie: Have you forgotten the stereotype? Us homeless are quite the dangerous breed, huh? 

_____

Greta: Good lord. 

TJ: Everything will be okay. 

Greta: I'm sure it will. I've bought us time. We go back to the others, tell them everything, and then we sort out how to arrange a new life for these people - we find some loophole we can exploit, so I don't have to pay too much money. 

TJ: Greta - 

TJ: All that just sounds...well, selfish. 

Greta: Tim - literally they have my sister hostage! You can't think what I want to do is selfish, when they literally have my sister! 

TJ: Maybe...maybe we try to not fuck up these people even more? 

Greta: I don't want to...to piss them off. 

Greta: All I want to do is not completely reason with terrifying homeless people. I'm not going to give in and let them live in a mansion when they LITERALLY. HAVE. MY. SISTER. 

TJ: Everything will be okay. 

Greta: Eventually, when I'm poor and back with my sister - 

TJ: Greta - 

TJ: I don't like this as much as you do, but...I think we need to be calm. 

Greta: Where has this side of TJ been? I mean...Tim, sorry. 

TJ: No, it's fine. I kinda don't mind what people call me. I just want to get rid of this god damn mess we have to deal with. 

Greta: They still have my sister, so I can't just flee from this, but we can go back to the house, and what, hope they can help out? 

TJ: Should we call them now then? 

Greta: I...I, uh - 

TJ: No, we don't call then. It'll be a surprise. If we call, they'll ask a thousand questions, and really, we want this to be an in person story - 

Greta: Jocelyn is about to wipe me from the face of this earth -

TJ: She better not. 

Greta: I've done too much to piss that woman off. 

TJ: Don't think about what you've done. Think about what you will do. I know, sure, I'm a dick and I hate mostly everything, but...well, I don't hate you. 

Greta: I know you don't. 

Greta: We are homeward bound. 

TJ: Why will it feel like a flaming ring of fire no matter what we say? 

Greta: Because people don't tend to go home saying they're being blackmailed. 

TJ: Oh right. That shit. 

_________________

Present Day

TJ: Greta - are you alright? 

Greta: I suppose. As...as best as I can be. 

Bradley: I...I didn't expect it to be like that. 

Devra: Yes, I thought we would be free of too much drama - 

Jocelyn: I hate to constantly oppose Greta - 

Bradley: Don't oppose her then, my love - 

Jocelyn: Bradley - 

Devra: - see I thought this was supposed to be a sitcom. 

TJ: Life is not a sitcom, and sure we signed up for this show thinking we'd just be living our lives in front of cameras, and that our lives would be hilarious, but sometimes we face shit that isn't fun, and that is what we lay out for you today, a story that ends miserably for Greta and I. 

Jocelyn: I - I'm sorry. 

TJ: Thank you, Jocelyn. 

Greta: We know maybe, perhaps, we shouldn't have come home, not involved you all, because it doesn't concern you, but...but...

Bradley: It's alright, Greta -

Greta: Well, no, it's not, but...but...you are our friends, and we thought friends stick together so...so our friends will help. 

Jocelyn: Greta - 

Greta: No...no, I need to go get ready, I don't want to keep you all waiting any longer, I'm sorry...

Bradley: You really didn't take up too much of our time - 

Devra: I do enjoy a story...unfortunately tonight's was real. 

TJ: Greta, wait - 

Greta: You can keep up with me, Tim, you have legs - I'm sorry, that came out bitchy...I just need to find a dress, and then do my hair, and my make-up - 

TJ: There's no need to rush, they said - 

Greta: Jocelyn and Bradley are parents now - they say stuff like "Oh it's no hassle", but it is, they just have to set a good image for their son - 

TJ: You need to slow down - 

Greta: No, I do not. 

TJ: Yes, you do. 

Greta: Nope. No. Uh uh. I do not. 

Greta: Look! - I'm going a reasonable pace, I'm always like this, I hosted a reality show, don't you remember? 

TJ: I do remember - I was there. 

Greta: Yeah, then you were pissed because you had to leave - 

TJ: Greta...slow down, please. 

Greta: Oh thank god, they haven't rearranged up here - we can fall right into bed later on, and not worry about the gym equipment being in the way - 

TJ: What are you on about, woman? 

Greta: The trope of parents cleaning out their kid's bedroom once they move out to turn it into a home gym? Don't know it? 

TJ: We didn't move out - 

Greta: Yeah, but we were gone for a year! A whole year! 

TJ: Was it a year? 

Greta: I'm pretty sure. I can check later, but it sure felt like a year, don't you agree? A year. It felt like it. 

TJ: Greta - can you slow down? For me? 

Greta: Look, I've stopped. I'm at the closet. 

TJ: Oh good. 

Greta: I need to pick out a dress. I want to look good, to hide the fact that my sister is being held hostage and I'm being blackmailed - 

TJ: Greta - 

Greta: I think it was the best decision coming back here. 

TJ: Yeah? 

Greta: Yep. 

TJ: Care to elaborate on that, or we finished talking about it? 

Greta: I just needed good friends. And good internet. 

TJ: Well, I'm ready to go whenever you are - 

Greta: Give me a little bit longer. 

TJ: No rush, no rush. 

Greta: I...I mean in general too. I wish I could postpone going back there. 

TJ: I know. I do too. 

Greta: But we do what we must. I wanted to help people. Twisted fate gave me my chance, in the end. 

TJ: I don't see it as fate...

Greta: What then? Just a cruel joke? Payback...

.

.

[Someone almost forgot Clyde existed]

Clyde: No, Clyde is on a mission of his own. 

I've got a lead. 

Ella: Hey there, Clyde. 

Clyde: Ella. You called saying you have something. 

Ella: I do. 

Clyde: Something is better than nothing. 

Ella: I don't know a lot, but I've got this much, and as you said...you want to hear something, rather than go home knowing you are not one step, or even two, closer to finding out the truth. 

Clyde: Your information will help me out, Ella. 

Ella: Please don't tell anyone you talked to me. 

Clyde: Of course not...as of right now, I'm trying to find her on my own. 

.

.

TJ: Whose idea was it to come up here this late anywho? 

Greta: Be nice, Tim, tonight isn't your night - 

TJ: Wow, harsh. 

Greta: I am trying my best to not break down, please and thank you. 

Bradley: Tonight's been a good night, huh? 

Jocelyn: It's been...interesting, for sure. 

Devra: I'm just glad to have those two home...safe, mostly, too. 

Bradley: I have a feeling we'll work everything out.

Jocelyn: Hey, where did Marsha and Ted run off to? 

I feel like we've barely seen them this episode - 

Bradley: I think they went to admire the view.

Devra: Isn't it romantic? 

Jocelyn: I don't think it is for them. 

Marsha: Sheigh cahld beh eeinayyweir, Tedday - 

Ted: I have hope, and pleasant thoughts, to think that we will find her one day, waiting for us, hoping we'd find her. Maybe that day is around the corner. 

Marsha: Teh - teh eeevahl peppil prahbleh gaht tooh 'er bahfeir ushh, Teddahy...moi deesnat lahk tah theenk ahhhfs whit cahld hippeen tah 'er, eef sahww. 

Ted: The evil people of the world - they don't want Irma, I don't think so - 

Marsha: Sheeigh eesh Roboote, Teddayh! 

Ted: Oh, I know...I'm just trying to be hopeful. 

Marsha: Moi knews. 

Marsha: Moi jest...moi weents tah seeing wit 'er, ya kneww...moi weents tah beh bick wit haieer, een teh hewese. 

Ted: I know. It's been tough without her, and what with today being a year since she went missing...

Marsha: Hash eet rellleh bin theet lahnge? 

Ted: It has...

Marsha: Eet hash bin tah leeengh. Eet hash bin tah lahnge. 

Ted: We'll see her again. *he tries to cheer her up* But hey, tonight was fun! You were great, and sure, nobody asked for you to sing again, but everybody loved it! You enjoyed tonight, and I did too - 

Marsha: Moi deed - 

??: You did what? 

??: Hello there, Marsha Marshall and Ted Pleasanton. My name is Irma Roboot, and I was sent to check in on the pair of you. You see, I have it on record that you both competed in a reality show with the earlier version of myself - the weaker version of myself. Thus, you must be eradicated. This measure is to protect the newer version of Irma Roboot from potentially reverting to her weaker life. You understand. 

Marsha: Moi ees afreehd shee dah not eendahstind - 

Ted: I do not either - Irma?! 

Marsha: Theees esh naht Irrmeee Rahbooet! Theees...theees…theees eempahsta! Keel 'er! 

Ted: Marsha...Marsha, no...she's been rebooted - 

Irma: The past version of Irma has been destroyed. I am Irma, I have always been Irma, and you are not my friends, no matter what you say to try to convince me otherwise. Therefore, I must destroy you. 

Marsha: Ewe nahh micke sahnnse weeth tahlkeen - 

Irma: I make perfect sense, I was calibrated as such. 

Marsha: Shaaat aaaaahp! 

Irma: I was worried you would resist. But, you see, I am a Roboot - I am more powerful than you, easily. 

Ted: Oh god - 

Irma: You will surrender, Marsha Marshall - 

Ted: Oh god! 

Marsha: Moi wheel nahhht sahhreeendeer! Nooooo sahreindeer! 

Irma: Then you will die a death that is painful but swift, and you will then finally be erased from my memory...see, alive, you cling on, but there is no need for Marsha Marshall in my memory - 

Marsha: Arghashdhahsdhahsdhashdhashdhasadhshgdggdgasgdg - 

Ted: Irma - stop this! 

Irma: You will be next, Ted Pleasanton. 

Ted: Irma...you don't have to do this! It is...oh, the coding, mind-control, how does a robot work? They type in what they want you to do? Oh god - please don't kill Marsha! 

Irma: Goodbye, Marsha Marshall. 

________________________________________

Credits: 

Turner, for Ted

Vul, for Marsha

Lo, for Devra

Yannik, for TJ (aka Timothy Jacob)

Tiger, for Greta, Melanie, Dex (aka Dexter), Elias, Jeannie, Cyrus, Charmaine, Rosemary

The Singing Simmer, for Jocelyn

Alleen, for Bradley

Penguin, for Clyde

 Twiddle, for Irma

EA, for Ella

Good lord it has been forever. Here is the ninth episode, finally. Titled "Homecoming", like the Spider-Man movie and an episode of television and the dance and other things, likely - this episode is a lot to approach. I knew coming into it that the episode had a lot of explaining to do, so therefore you get a loooot of TJ and Greta's past year, but I hope you liked their story. More to come in the next episode. 

What information was Clyde discussing with Ella when he arrived at her house? Who could he searching for? What will happen to Marsha and Ted now? Will Irma be stopped, or will we say goodbye to two favourites? 

More of everything to come soon, I hope. 

See you next time, 

- Tiger