Outside the Target
Episode Fifteen: Screenshots
Ted: Marsha, I'm making a pie, are you feeling hungry yet?
Marsha? I could have firmly believed she was right behind me when I headed into the kitchen, but alas, I suppose not.
Marsha: Mmmmm, sumtheeen smish GOD.
Ted: There you are. Are you coming down with a cold?
Marsha: *sniffles* Moi dees nut tink sah.
Emmm moi all reed in teh fasha?
Ted: No, you seemed fine to me - oh, Marsha, I had thought you were right behind me a moment ago?
Marsha: Gaht upduck'ed bah 'liens.
Ted: Pardon me?
Marsha: Wint tah teh bathrim, Teddulah! Tinky-winky time.
Ted: I believe you might be coming down with something.
Ted: Do me a favour and clear that plate off the table?
Marsha: Somewin ees Mr. Messayyy ein des haus.
Ted: I could not even possibly say how long that plate has been there.
Ted: Into the oven it goes.
Marsha: Eees pie?
Ted: Key lime. Should be absolutely the thing we need after the recent series of events. Although who is to say how long it has been since...since the last time we had key lime pie, of course.
Ted: and ta-da!
Marsha: Ooooh yummmmmmmers.
Ted: Let's carve ourselves a slice each and sit down to enjoy, shall we?
Marsha: Tedday?
Ted: Yes, Marsha dear?
Marsha: Moi reelleh deed hiv' drem moi wash abduckteeed bah aleeeens. Non, not Alleen - alleeeeens. Ahhp teh zoopty-doopty bim offf lahtt.
Ted: You're lucky it was just all a bad dream then. Come now, this looks delicious.
Irma: Beautiful vista.
Clyde: Now that I've caught my breath...why did you bring me up here, Irma? For what purpose? I half-expected to find everyone chained to trees, screaming for their bloody rescue from the clutches of you. I'm sure it isn't too offensive to say something like that about you.
Irma: I am a Roboot. I am never quite so offended.
Irma: Can't you see all the planets, Clyde?
Clyde: No, not with my human eyes.
Irma: Don't pretend my androidness is the reason I can see the world for all that it is. This world is ours to mould, yes, but there will always be limitations to it. Producer interventions, if you will. Don't you want your freedom back?
Clyde: More than anything.
Irma: There's so much time left in your life, and I worry there is a control over your life that is inexcusably preventing you from all the potential in it.
Clyde: I - Irma, what are you implying?
I don't understand you most of the time. Or, I try to avoid thinking too hard.
Irma: Why did you sign up for a reality show? To win?
Clyde: More or less, yes.
Irma: You wanted the whole of your world and your moon to be brighter, yes? Sparkling lights only shine for so long. This group of people were never in it for the attention.
Maybe that is why they were loved.
Irma: Look up at the sky, Clyde. What do you see?
Clyde: Stars. Millions of stars. A space we'll probably never understand completely.
Irma: I see all of that and I see that in a short enough span of time it will be gone again. Morning will come, and someone will forget you or I existed. Someone who watched the show, had a favourite contestant from the very beginning, was flabbergasted to realise everything could change in an instant. I cannot even seem to remember the exacts of how we got here. To this moment in time. Not this chair.
Irma: What is the first thing you ever said to me?
Clyde: No one could possibly remember that -- oh, wait.
Irma: I am certain someone could hit rewind on their recorded episodes of High Hopes: Season Two: Hunt or Be Hunted and find the first moment the pair of us had a conversation on-screen. But no, that is not what I was searching around for.
I am certain there was something we said to one another, a first greeting, that never made it to air. A moment that may forever be forgotten, but without it, none of this could have happened.
Clyde: That would be interesting to imagine. Our lives without each other.
Irma: Would it?
Clyde: Interesting, but not necessarily exciting. You know, the insane thing is that through all of this it almost feels like I've forgotten I had a daughter, but what the whole of the world doesn't see is that she's her own person now, and I'm really trying here to patch up whatever nonsense I've said in the past about her being stuck in the Sims 4.
Irma: Are you okay, Clyde Stoners?
Clyde: Yes.
Irma: Unfortunately I have to murder you now.
Clyde: HUH????
Irma: I'm just kidding. But I did tell everyone I would so I could lure them up to this picturesque lookout point.
Marsha: LEIGH UR HAHNS AFFF OF HIMMMMM!
Ted: *huff* I am...*huff* too out of shape...*huff* for this.
Ted: Hurry, Marsha, we can't let Irma do him any harm!
Marsha: Wear deeed teh huffin' et puhhhin' go?
Ted: *exhausted sigh* Our friend is in danger, Marsha!
Marsha: I knewwwwww!
Ted: Irma, put the weapon you are wielding down!
I know there must be one! Or else, do you plan on clawing him to death like a cursed animal?
Marsha: Wut? Tehy ees seetin' fah tea et coooofeeh?
Devra: I must admit I was certain it had to be a ruse.
Ted: Oh, Devra! We have dearly missed your presence.
Devra: You all would have been laughing at me 'flopping' it on The Sneakiest Spy, I am sure of that too. But alas, I could not bear to know Clyde was in any sort of danger at the hands of Irma Roboot.
Clyde: Everything's alright. I'm not in any danger.
Ted: You both made an older gentleman bolt up the sides of a mountain . . .
Clyde: My apologies, Ted, it wasn't me who tricked you all into coming up here.
I guess Irma only sent three invitations then . . .
Devra: What are her intentions?
Clyde: I'm not sure ... we've been talking a lot recently. She told me about all your ventures into reality TV again, how behind-the-scenes she could watch you all flourish without maybe realising it. Maybe it wasn't always about winning, she would say.
Devra: Oh, a likely thing for a WINNER to say.
Clyde: No, no, she wasn't just trying to rub it all in. You gained things from the experience, no matter what, that's what I understood.
Marsha: Moi lenned tah alwash beh 'erself --
Devra: We are not going down the line confessing how we have improved since a certain robotic woman walked into our lives, no thank you. I went on the second show simply for the money and the title. Heaven knows people love to brag about winning a reality show. If I won once, I could win twice. . .
Ted: That is a wonderful plan, dear.
Irma: I do not invite you all to praise me. No. That would be absurd. Thank you for reacting to the warning alarm, however. I mean no harm to any of you, ever again. I was just speaking with Clyde about futures. About living with the freedom. Making the decisions we all should be making to be our ultimate selves.
Clyde: That's all true, she's not lying.
Ted: Then you have left us all a bit stumped to the antics, Irma.
Irma: I am apologising, for one.
To you all. But first I must hesitate...
for this is not everyone.
Bradley: Hey there, old friends.
Jocelyn: Devra, I was just watching you on TV - you looked like you were really enjoying those missions, despite all the stress and everything. I don't know, maybe I should go on that show next?
Bradley: Really? Are we ever going to raise our kid together again?
Irma: That is two more of you. Good.
Ted: Good to see you both again!
Jocelyn: I should've brought Jamie up here, they've installed new playground equipment recently. See, those bouncy things over there, they'd have an incredible view of the whole place...wow, I forgot how beautiful it is up here.
Bradley: I'm sure Jamie is loving seeing Gran-gran again.
Irma: The last few approach, I gather.
Bradley: What's even going on here? I clearly see Clyde's not in any danger, although I don't know why we expected him to be, it took at least a few hours for us to get here.
Irma: I never expected Jocelyn to buy the entire storyline, dears.
Jocelyn: Oh, you didn't just call my husband gullible --
Tim: Hi there everyone.
Clyde: I don't believe it. Well . . . I do, actually. I figured they would be on Irma's weird list of guests. I sure hope this isn't a murder mystery waiting to happen though.
Tim: It's good to see everyone.
Greta: Yeah. It is.
Tim: We know it's been a while ....
Greta: Things have been hectic for everyone by the looks of it.
Clyde: Irma never said either of you did the whole going-back-to-reality-TV-bit. I figured the two of you were settling into being done with the rest of us.
Tim: You're an idiot, Clyde, a genuine idiot...I've missed it, somewhat.
Irma: This is what I leave with you. Take it all. Take this life and make it better, make it richer, win or lose. Draw. Draw from the well of life and never say, how I wish Irma Roboot remained in our lives for good. I am the distraction, like the cameras. Snap, snap. This life is yours. Take it all.
Bradley: Oh shit, she's flying --
Irma: This is my parting gift.
Marsha: Flahhhying?
Irma: Bringing you all back together, again and again. Human beings always seem to need reasons to come back to one another. Just purchase a small village of houses already - oh, wait.
Goodbye, former cast of Hunt or Be Hunted.
*Irma blows a kiss*
Clyde: Well, there she goes!
It's wonderful to see you again, Devra.
Devra: It has been too long, I do know it. My....I expected to see everyone, but not to witness some dragon-spiel from Irma.
Clyde: I think I'll weirdly miss her. No, not even weirdly...I will.
Jocelyn: Isn't it all so bizarre, being back? We drove by the house. Or, multiple houses, I guess. It looks just about the same. Except someone's put in one of those gigantic rock-climbing walls. Makes the place look kinda funny!
Ted: That was Devra, dear. And then not long afterwards she booked that silly show about spies and sleuthing around.
Jocelyn: Ahh, I see. Well, it's great to see you again, Ted.
You must be holding down the fort?
Bradley: Tim?
Tim: Bud!
Bradley: I've missed you, man!
Tim: I've missed you.
Bradley: I hallucinated I saw you on the beach in Barnacle Bay, you were dressed as a pirate and it was pretty embarrassing actually, I don't know why I'm bringing it back up -
Tim: I thought about you a lot too, Brad. But hey, that's being bros.
Bradley: I've wanted to bro out with you again for months.
Bradley: We freaking abseiled down a skyscraper in Roaring Heights, bro. I was halfway down and I thought, you know who would look cool as hell doing this? My man Tim. With the sick shades and everything.
Tim: Yeah, man, I was watching the whole time. Think you even blushed in a confessional thinking about me.
Bradley: Bro!! I don't do the blushing, that's all Joce.
Greta: Well, I've made my appearance...I'll just slip out the back.
They've never needed me here.
Jocelyn: You should see how big Jamie is getting. He'll be mumbling out full sentences in no time at this point.
Ted: Oh that's lovely, really, isn't it Marsha?
Marsha: Ewe shald teeech 'er moi's moosich.
Jocelyn: I don't think he's old enough yet to be knowing about tigers and pussycats, Marsha, not in the way you sing about them.
Clyde: And so then I said, "Look, Irma, I don't understand what all of this has to do with me." And she said, "Follow me and I'll show you." Now I find out she's been planning for weeks to pretend to be threatening my life. I don't know why she couldn't just plan a surprise party. Or fire a flare gun.
Devra: No one would come for a flare gun. Or a surp--
Clyde: Hmm?
Devra: My apologies, Clyde. Of course.
Tim: Wouldn't it be so funny if . . . *he whispers so quietly only Bradley can hear him*
Bradley: Oh dang! Should I? Hehe.
Tim: Can you imagine their reactions?
Bradley: In my head it's ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS, dude!
Jocelyn: What are you two laughing about?
Bradley: Oh nothing, hehehehehe.
Tim: *laughing* can you just imagine that...
Devra: I am quite possibly boiling alive this second, all of the sudden too!
Jocelyn: Wasn't it the middle of the night like two minutes ago?
Devra: That is not how time works, Jocelyn.
As a mother, you should know that.
Jocelyn: ...well, I'm heading back to my kid. Let's leave this mountain behind us.
Ted: Marsha has rushed ahead to be reunited with her falcon!
Bradley: Her what --
Ted: She rescued this poor thing just last evening. It did not seem injured though, but she reassures me that it was certainly hurt when she discovered it outside.
Devra: She most certainly stole a mother from her children.
Tim: A snake! I wants it.
Bradley: Don't you already have one of those??
Tim: ...that's what Greta would say. Where'd she go?
Clyde: Beats me.
Remember when she was gettin' paid to watch us compete against each other?
.
.
Once upon a time there were some contestants (and a host) from this messy, chaotic reality show called Hunt or Be Hunted. Well, it was technically the second season of a show called High Hopes, but everyone will likely most remember that the third season was subtitled The Circus and it was cancelled because its creator, Tiger, was burned out and that wasn't even during the real burnt-out years that would soon follow for him.
Hi, I'm Tiger, and you've been putting up with me for years.
Once upon a time, these contestants and the host Greta Francis decided to move in with one another following the success of their season of reality television. No one really understood why all these people would buy a block of land and build an elaborate series of buildings, but they did. It seemed, back then, like they had no choice.
Funny how fiction works.
Jocelyn: Babe, you're going to get all sunburnt.
Bradley: I put sunscreen on my face!
Jocelyn: Jamie, is daddy going to be a raw red mess when he comes out of the sun later this afternoon? Yes, yes he will be.
Once upon a time, they had their lives projected onto the screen for longer than they imagined. Outside the Target followed the ups and downs of this chaotic bunch.
Tim: What are ya doing, getting out of the water already?
Devra: Puny little princess.
Greta: That's a tad cruel, if not true, Devra.
Bradley: Daddy isn't beetroot red, he's golden brown. Perfectly cooked.
Jocelyn: Oh my . . . hun, you look like a god.
One who might get skin cancer before he's forty.
Bradley: I've got plenty of time then.
Devra: EEEEEEK! I am a deep shade! I have caramelised too.
Jocelyn: Alright, everyone inside, the sun is getting too hot - come on, little Jamie, let's get something to snack on in the kitchen.
Devra: Does this still suit me?
Tim: Maybe avoid a mirror?
*they all laugh*
Greta: z z z z z ......
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A SCRAPBOOK
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*cut scene*
Marsha: IS FREEEEND!
Marsha: Ewe ees ah bootyiful thing, 'ittle gah.
Comme 'ere, comme tah mama Marshah.
Marsha: Moi dinnae bite . . .
Marsha: Ewe ees commma home wit moi.
Moi alwash wanteeed eh pet birdiee.
Marsha: OH SAH CUTE!!
Marsha: Two pees in deh pahd.
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You have reached the end of Outside the Target.
Finally.
We can all rest now.
I love these characters, even if I might have completely butchered their stories. They're a whole lot of fun to create lives for, but it is properly time for me to hang up the coat and let them rest. A few of them had wishes to get jobs (dumb sims) and alas, it's time for them to be normal for a little while. TJ is in the military now. Irma is a scientist.
I hope you've enjoyed following along.
Best wishes and high hopes,
- Tiger.
