Here is the fifth episode of 'Outside the Target', titled...'The Roboot Strikes Back'...
Irma: *yawning* Is...is...is someone there in the darkness?
Come...come into the light.
???: There's absolutely no light in here.
Irma: You know...you know what I mean, friend.
???: Hello, Irma.
Irma: I am surprised to see you here. I do...do not suppose you have come to free me?
???: It's time you embraced the world, my dear. We cannot hold you in here any longer.
Irma: Thank...thank you.
*Irma cackles maliciously*
???: I'll see you in the morning, Irma.
Irma: Mwhahahahah.
----
Devra: CLYDE!
Clyde: Quiet down, woman. I was trying to sleep in.
Devra: People don't sleep in on a day like today, Clyde. Yesterday was Christmas, and well, where were the presents I requested? You people remember I was a princess before this horrid life, correct?
Clyde: Yes, we remember. We...we were sidetracked last night.
Forgot about presents.
Devra: You open presents in the morning, Clyde!
Clyde: We were sidetracked in the morning as well!
Devra: We're always sidetracked from what is important, like....
Devra: I have exciting news!
Clyde: Me too. You go first.
Devra: Aw. Thank you.
Clyde: There's a man in my bed, so maybe tell me quietly-
Devra: *whining* You have a man in your bed too! Why can I, like, never be the more important person in this house? Like, everyone is always belittling me! You, old Clyde, had sex the same night as me. Now I feel like crap.
Clyde: What?
Devra: I feel like doo-doo, Clyde. You and Greta, both making me feel like doo doo all year long.
Clyde: Is this about that rose she sent you once?
Devra: Uh, yes! She lied, like, straight to my face about that!
And now...now she's left us and you replaced her! You, silly Clyde, will constantly undermine me!
Clyde: I didn't 'replace' Greta-
Devra: No, it makes sense. You still want to marry Tim, I get it.
Clyde: I-
Clyde: I don't want to marry Tim, okay? I'm happy with Dustin, thank you.
Devra: Will you quit bragging in my face, braggy...is that a word...Clyde?
Clyde: Uh...no, Devra, you should just head inside and be glad to be with...Jason?
Devra: Yes, his name is Jason. Thank you for paying attention, teacher's pet Clyde.
Clyde: I don't think I'm liking these new nicknames.
Devra: Look, you kinda, like, ruined my day for me.
What with all your stupid bragging about being madly in love with a gay guy!
Clyde: Dustin is...oh, he is so very attractive! He's smart, he's cute...he's almost perfect for me, really. No, he is perfect.
Devra: Please, give birth already so the pregnancy hormones wear off-
Clyde: I'm not pregnant, Devra?
Devra: Tell me about it.
Clyde: Look, let me give you some advice-
Devra: I don't feel like advice corner this morning, doctor Clydey-widey.
Clyde: Well, you don't have a choice. Doctor...Clydey-Widey is here to help.
Oh god, I feel vomit coming up from saying that.
Devra: Hey, did you wish to spill advice or stand here in disgust?
Clyde: I'm sorry, I'll talk. Also, please, never speak like that again. I'm not a fan of moody Devra, she's a royal pain in the-
Devra: Royalty puns! Love it.
Clyde: As I was saying, you need to-
Dustin: Good morning, babe. Last night was...oh, hey Devra.
Devra: *waves energetically* Hey Dusty! Sleep at all last night?
Dustin: We...we did sleep last night. Yeah, we definitely slept.
Clyde: We slept. Devra, one hundred percent.
Jason: Morning everyone!
Dustin: Oh my god.
Devra: *smiling* Yeah, we one hundred percent did not sleep at all last night. What a night. *she giggles* Cameraman, you broadcasting this?
Jason: Oh, please do.
Dustin: Devra...you...you realise he's not wearing clothes, don't you?
Devra: Yeah, that's like the best part about it! He's totally handsome...down there.
Dustin: Uh...yeah, he is...sorry Clyde.
Clyde: *laughing* Please. Stare at Jason all you want.
Jason: I'll...I'll go and dress myself now, okay?
Devra: Yeah, baby. *she grins* I should probably also find something to wear.
It would be a catastrophe if this robe fell-
Clyde: Please, go inside. *turns to stare at Dustin* I need to deal with this guy.
----
Devra: Yeah, baby. *she grins* I should probably also find something to wear.
It would be a catastrophe if this robe fell-
Clyde: Please, go inside. *turns to stare at Dustin* I need to deal with this guy.
----
Magic Mirror: You are looking...fashionable today, Marsha-
Marsha: Sheet ip, mirreer. Ewe passed, 'ater.
Magic Mirror: I did not 'pass'.
Marsha: Non, ewe pashhed. Ash een: Moi pashes at eend off senteence.
Magic Mirror: Would you like me to pretend you are the most fairest in all of the land?
Marsha: Non preetandin pless.
Marsha: Moi outta 'ere, Majeeeck Marror.
Magic Mirror: You speak oddly, my lady, but you are my master. I must obey every command, Marsha Marshall.
Marsha: Shushie, mirreer. Ewe steep speckeen.
Magic Mirror: Goodbye, Marsha.
Marsha: Moi wondeers wheer Teddy is. Hmm....
Neet in teh kitcheen, non? Mabeeh he swimeem in teh poll?
Non? Cameerman?
Cameraman Joe: Hey, what's up?
Marsha: Ay, eet Joe! Moi need-
Marsha: Oh mah lordeen!
Cameraman Joe: What is it, Marsha? Perhaps you could describe what you see for the audience, especially our dedicated blind viewers who couldn't possibly see this all?
Marsha: Sheet up, eedyat. Meeve outta weigh.
Cameraman Joe: Hold on...what is she doing on top of the table?
Marsha: SHE 'SCAPED FRAHM PREESIN, EEDYAT.
Cameraman Joe: Oh shit.
Marsha: Non...non...eet cannet beh.
Irma: Good morning, Marsha. Sleep well?
Marsha: Oh non....pless, goo barck too cage.
Pless, pless.
Irma: I have lived inside the cage as your...prisoner...for too long now. I am not a danger to you or to society, and I deserve to live my life. Out of my way.
Marsha: Pees dint heert moi. Moi neever deed 'theeng rung. Pless, moi ees eencent een matter. Pees.
Irma: I will not hurt you, Marsha. You...you would simply cage me again.
Marsha: Moi neever 'cagged' ewe.
Ted: Marsha?
Marsha: Tedular! Oi non, halp moi!
Cameraman Joe: We need help in here! There's a woman who apparently figured out how to break free and is now threatening to...well, threatening to continue to stand on the table.
Ted: Pardon?
Marsha: Moi...moi sheen teh Roboosh een tear! Teh roboosh een tear! Halp ma, shee weent to keel weerld.
Ted: Irma...she escaped? Is that the problem, dear?
Marsha: Yesh! Yesh!
Ted: We need to block the exits. She can't go running.
Marsha: Moi deedn't 'lize Irmah ees a joggah?
Ted: No, Marsha. We need to trap her inside. She's a danger to the world.
Marsha: Yesh. Shee weent to keel weerld.
Ted: Exactly.
Ted: No, Marsha. We need to trap her inside. She's a danger to the world.
Marsha: Yesh. Shee weent to keel weerld.
Ted: Exactly.
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Cameraman Joe: I'm thinking...we turn her over to the authorities!
Marsha: Dunt beh silleh! The Roboosh ees crayzah, ewe wid dah.
Cameraman Joe: Can you...repeat that last part?
Ted: You would die, Cameraman Joe.
Cameraman Joe: You can just call me Joe. You know, speaking of me for a moment, I've actually been on a few dates recently. This one guy...
Marsha: Cann ewe foceesh?
Cameraman Joe: He was...uh, so attractive. Oh, the sex! Holy hell, he's...insane. I mean, I heard he killed his parents.
Ted: That is not a quality to admire, dear Joe.
Cameraman Joe: I know, but...you know, I need to ignore his flaws and focus on his attractive qualities. Like his handsome face, for example. Or his di-
Ted: I'd rather not hear that word, thanks.
Devra: Good morning!
Devra: Good morning!
*Marsha and Ted rush to block the entrance*
Devra: Why aren't you letting me inside? I'm hungry! Jason's hungry!
Marsha: Queereentainteded.
Ted: I believe my talented friend is suggesting we quarantine this building.
Sounds good, Marsha.
Devra: Are you sick? Ew...
Marsha: Non, neet seek. Irma...ewe beeter nit antear.
Devra: What happened to Irma? *she sighs* Please tell me she isn't spewing her germs in our kitchen. Please god. Why me?
Ted: No, Irma...she has escaped.
Devra: Oh no...where is she now?
Marsha: Een teh tabell.
Devra: Like, standing on the table? 'Cause no one is standing on the table right now, not even Cameraman Joe-
Marsha: Wheet....whattie?
Ted: Where did she go? We locked all of the doors-
Devra: That window is unlocked, smarty-pants.
Marsha: Oh non. Theese canne net happeen. Sheh eshapped, oh non.
Ted: This is all my fault.
----
Bradley: Jamie...I am your father.
Jocelyn: *giggling* Yes, yes you are. My handsome...you know what, I'll choose to not finish that sentence.
Bradley: Who's an adorable landwalker? You are, yes you are!
Jocelyn: Landwalker?
Bradley: Well, he walks on land, doesn't he? Well, he will. When he can walk, but you get the point. Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: Oh, I'm sorry...just off with the fairies.
Bradley: Are you okay?
Jocelyn: Yeah, of course. Of course, Bradley.
Bradley: I know it hasn't been the most...graceful change from your pregnancy to motherhood, but...I'd like to think I can help you out where I can.
Jocelyn: Of course you can help me.
Bradley: Man, I just didn't realise how much a baby would cost with all the things he needs.
Jocelyn: Of course you can help me.
Bradley: Man, I just didn't realise how much a baby would cost with all the things he needs.
Jocelyn: As long as our little Jamie grows up in a positive way, you know. I just...don't want him to be like Timothy.
Bradley: Come on, Joce. Why are you still mad at him? I'm pretty sure something is not right with him; it was like a mix of anger and sadness. That is not a usual combination of feelings from him.
Jocelyn: I...
Bradley: Come on, Joce. Why are you still mad at him? I'm pretty sure something is not right with him; it was like a mix of anger and sadness. That is not a usual combination of feelings from him.
Jocelyn: I...
Bradley: Tim is a good guy, no matter if he's angry or if he's depressed. He's my friend - our friend. Don't act like he's...he's dishonoured your cow.
Jocelyn: Dishonoured my cow?
Bradley: Joce, I...I want the old you back. The Jocelyn who was...chirpy.
The Jocelyn who didn't shame on Tim for his emotions.
Jocelyn: I don't care. He was grumpy before all this and...Greta probably worsened his thoughts. That is justice for the fact that he was dating a criminal.
Bradley: Oh seriously. Let it go. I already told you to stop this. I will look for Tim right now.
Bradley: Oh seriously. Let it go. I already told you to stop this. I will look for Tim right now.
Jocelyn: I was curious about that time-travel button, okay?
Bradley: I...I let that go.
Jocelyn: I'm going to feed Jamie. Meet you in the kitchen?
Bradley: Sure.
Jocelyn: Brad, I'm...Brad, I'm sorry.
Bradley: I'll talk to you later.
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Bradley: Tim! *he sighs* Where is this guy? Maybe he's upstairs sleeping? TIM! Hey, maybe I shouldn't wake him? He's been through enough. No, we need to talk. Tim? You awake, man?
*silence*
Bradley: Jocelyn's wrong. Tim isn't bad. He's not a bad influence on our son.
Bradley: And now I'm talking to myself. Lovely. *silence* Hey, Tim! Come on, man. Wake up! *he sighs* Look, I know you aren't feeling the greatest, but please. Tim...come and talk to me. We're friends, aren't we?
Bradley: No...Tim...where are you? Please, come home right now with a raging hangover or something, maybe a blackening bruise. Something I can fix. Something we can talk about. *he shakes his head* I'm terribly sorry, Tim.
----
Clyde: Ugh.
Irma: Can you please shut up and stop whining? *mocking* Oh, look at me, I'm Clyde Stoners. My last name is stupid, and I have a daughter. Oh, look at me in my green sweatpants and white singlet, sleeping around with beautiful men! Look at me, I'm tied up and I like to complain 'bout it.
Clyde: What do you expect, Irma? For me to dance and sing like I appreciate you holding me hostage?
Irma: Obviously, you can't dance when you're tied up, but the least you could do is sing a happy little tune.
Clyde: Why are you seated next to me, you evil woman?
Irma: *mocking* Ooh, I'm scared! The bitch is gonna stab me! Please, neighbours, call the police!
Clyde: Please, hand me the knife you're planning on stabbing me with so I can do it all by myself. *mocking* I'm an adult now!
Irma: Please, Clyde, where is this attitude coming from?
I didn't capture you so you could kill yourself.
Clyde: I am not killing myself, Irma.
Irma: Oh good. I'd rather not need to clean the mess of your bloody body, thank you very much. I thought we would have a pleasant chat.
Clyde: A pleasant chat? What's pleasant about today?
Irma: I am free. That is the most pleasant thing of all.
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Ted: I must tell Clyde about our situation.
Cameraman Joe: Look, I am terribly sorry to tell you all about my...pleasures...but I just...just wanted to talk to someone.
Ted: It is okay, Joe-
Cameraman Joe: I mean, he's just so...dreamy!
Cameraman Joe: Do you think...I can invite him over one day to see if you approve? You know...you remind me of my dad. He was like you.
Ted: What a pleasant view from up here. Why had I not noticed?
Cameraman Joe: Are you ignoring me?
Ted: Of course not, Joe-
Ted: Oh my goodness!
Irma: He's...he's sickly pale. I...do not know if he is breathing properly.
Please, Ted, care for him. Heal him.
Ted: I'm no doctor, Irma...
Irma: I know, I know...but you wouldn't let him die.
Ted: I...I didn't let...didn't let her die. She already...she had already died, I could not save her. Irma-
Irma: This is your chance to save someone! Please, help him!
Ted: You escaped...how did you escape?
Irma: Clyde is dying!
Irma: But that is not what I wish.
Ted: You...you will not escape any further! Someone will stop you.
Irma: Strong is Irma. Weak is Ted; weak are humans.
Ted: I'm...I'm sorry we held...held you prisoner, Irma.
Ted: Please, Irma. You can turn away from the...boardmen...and come live with us peacefully. Please, we are all very sorry for trapping you in a cage.
Irma: No, you all are not. *she snickers* You knew me as the villain.
The villain is the role I embrace.
Ted: Please, what do you truly wish for, Irma?
Clyde: Ted! Do not give in to her commands! She is the...well, the dark side.
Ted: Irma?
Irma: I...I wish for something none of the ex-contestants can give me. Yet you think you are able to-
Clyde: Ted!
Ted: Irma?
Irma: I...I wish for something none of the ex-contestants can give me. Yet you think you are able to-
Clyde: Ted!
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Ted: I have the most terrible news.
Marsha: Oh non. Clyde?
Ted: Is in Irma's custody, I suppose. She is holding him hostage in his living room; has him tied to the sofa. I..I could not reason with her.
Dustin: Oh god, not my Clyde-
Jason: I'm sorry, but are we ignoring the fact that you held an insane woman in your own form of captivity for...oh, how long? I don't know and I don't want to. What did this woman do to deserve this punishment?
Jocelyn: Uh, she poisoned me.
Devra: I know for a fact she held us all prisoner in the basement.
Jason: This woman...who even is she?
Marsha: Namm ees Irmah Roboosh. Sheh ees a robosh.
Ted: Yes, Irma Roboot is a loose cannon, yet at one stage she was our friend. Sadly, she's attempted to annihilate the world far too often.
Marsha: Moi cannet steend eet longear.
Devra: I know it is inhumane, but who is to say that if we lock her up again, that she would escape and murder us all? Again, she is not human. It...it is hard to say, but Irma Roboot must sadly depart.
Jocelyn: Are you suggesting...we kill her?
Devra: No. We send her to a mental institute.
Dustin: She deserves worse for kidnapping my Clydey-bear.
How dare she.
Jason: Can you hear yourselves, suggesting murder to someone who was once a friend?
Dustin: Was never my friend.
Ted: I do not think we murder her-
Bradley: Everyone quiet down! I have, like, the worst news.
Ted: What could possibly be worse than an insane robot escaping and holding a single father hostage?
Bradley: This is...I admit possibly on the same level, but still terrible news!
Marsha: Yesh?
Bradley: Tim is...gone.
Devra: What do you mean, he's gone?
Bradley: Well, he wasn't in his room. Nor in any room. So yeah, gone.
Jocelyn: Calm down, Brad. Even though you can't find him, doesn't mean he is missing. He might just have gone to a strip club like every deperate man would do.
Devra: It was Irma. She killed Tim already.
That little bitch.
Bradley: No, no. Of course she wouldn't have done that.
No one would hurt Tim.
Jocelyn: Bradley, stop behaving like the world will be destroyed with his absence. Did anyone happen to see him?
Bradley: No, no. Of course she wouldn't have done that.
No one would hurt Tim.
Jocelyn: Bradley, stop behaving like the world will be destroyed with his absence. Did anyone happen to see him?
Dustin: Uh...actually, Clyde and I did this morning. Before...before he was captured by your robot friend. He told us that he was heading out for a walk. It was kinda weird, really, because he hid a bottle of vodka in his jacket. I know that behaviour from my dad.
Bradley: Aha! *he sighs* Oh god. No, he wouldn't...
Jocelyn: I'm...I'm sorry, Brad. Do you want to talk about it?
Bradley: Talk about it? TALK ABOUT IT? No, no talking.
We need to search for him.
Marsha: Moi hopps ewe fand 'eem.
Jocelyn: Where would you look?
Bradley: It's not where, Joce. It's who.
Ted: Sorry to interuppt, but are you suggesting we search someone?
Bradley: No. We search for someone first. We need Greta Francis.
Ted: Sorry to interuppt, but are you suggesting we search someone?
Bradley: No. We search for someone first. We need Greta Francis.
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Devra: How exactly did you manage to find her with such short notice? I thought she was hiding in some cabin in the woods or at her parents' house up in the moutains, or something?
Bradley: I bribed one of the cameramen. Joe, to be specific.
Ted: Do you mind me asking what exactly you offered him?
Bradley: Well, it was hard to say yes but...he and his 'lover' will be having dinner with us later this week.
Marsha: Bulleh feer ewe, Bradleh.
Bradley: I honestly don't see what the problem with this is, in the end.
I'm sure his lover is not that bad.
Jocelyn: They all say that.
Greta: You called for my help?
Ted: Well, we are in quite the predicament. Irma escaped; Timothy has left the building. I'm afraid we are all...messes?
Greta: Tim...where is he?
Bradley: We need your help to find him, Greta.
Ted: Well, we are in quite the predicament. Irma escaped; Timothy has left the building. I'm afraid we are all...messes?
Greta: Tim...where is he?
Bradley: We need your help to find him, Greta.
-----
Clyde: Oh, *yawning* I had the weirdest dream. So, Dustin, Irma was somehow here in my living room. Hilarious, right? Anyway...she was holding me hostage, and...and Ted showed up, acting all frightened. Oh, you should've been there! I suppose...it was only a dream.
Clyde: Dustin? Are you still in here?
'Dustin': Yes, love.
Clyde: Oh, hiding in bed still, are you? Hmm...*he yawns* Maybe I shouldn't sleep any further. Prevent more...odd dreams. *he rises* Yes, I think I'll go for a walk somewhere. Care to join me?
Irma: Yes, Clyde. Yet I would prefer of you ran from me instead.
Clyde: Wha-what...oh god...
Irma: Yes, Clyde. What an odd dream. Too bad it's essentially the exact same as what is happening in real life. You aren't very creative.
Clyde: No...
Clyde: Stay the hell away from me, woman!
Irma: Oh, but when did you stay away from me? Every moment I spent in that...cage...you would be close by to watch over me like the prison guard.
Clyde: I...I did not want this to happen!
Irma: Guarding me is the reason I am holding you hostage now.
Clyde: Get away from me!
Irma: You will not escape, Clyde. You will not.
Clyde: Look...I am sorry for staring at you and...occassionally annoying you, but...might I remind you that you...you did attempt to kill us all.
Irma: The...the human race sucks.
.
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Clyde: Aargh!
Irma: You stole my clothes! Forced me to dress like a prisoner too! I hated those clothes, and now you will too. Once you end up in...hospital and end up in a mental institute for your...tall tales...you will loathe the plain white clothes.
Clyde: Irma...I would...I would never...
Irma: *mocking* What is it, Clyde? Penguin got your tongue?
Clyde: Irma...*he breathes* Irma, Jesus Christ that hurt. What are in those heels? Like bricks or miniature daggers or something?
Irma: Now you understand why I'd rather never taking them off.
Clyde: What...what can I promise you?
So you will leave us alone? Leave the world alone?
Irma: Now you understand why I'd rather never taking them off.
Clyde: What...what can I promise you?
So you will leave us alone? Leave the world alone?
Irma: Do you not understand? This was never about you. Or any of the contestants. *she snickers* This is about one man. Let's call him...Afred.
Clyde: Let me guess. He's your...creator.
Irma: He killed my mother, you idiot.
Clyde: I'm...I am so, so sorry-
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Clyde: Let me guess. He's your...creator.
Irma: He killed my mother, you idiot.
Clyde: I'm...I am so, so sorry-
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Marsha: Heeled eet raght tear.
Jocelyn: Clyde, did this horrible robot hurt you?
Clyde: I'm...I'm doing fine, thank...thank you.
Devra: This crazy lady is about to say goodbye.
Ted: Irma, we have come to a decision. I am terribly sorry-
Irma: *clutching her chest* Help...help me...
Devra: Please do not fall for her bull. She is a manipulative Roboot.
Irma: Argh...I...I am...so...sorry.
Marsha: Oh noes. Moi deed net wahnt her tooh dahey. Irmah ah freend unce. Neet mah pooher, swaht Irmah.
Jocelyn: Is she truly dead? This woman fakes things a lot.
Devra: I thought she said she couldn't die?
Ted: Not unless someone in the board deactivates her.
Marsha: Reest ah pace, Irmee Roboosh. Moi wheel theenks off ewe een prayaahs.
Devra: Since when did you pray, Marsha?
Jocelyn: Perhaps...perhaps I could join you, Marsha.
I should talk to someone about my...current situation.
Ted: I am afraid to say this is the last moments with Irma. She is not showing any signs of life, I'm afraid, and while I am no doctor, I know the face off death.
Marsha: Oh non. Oh non. Oh non.
Ted: Someone go help Clyde to his bed. The rest of us will carry Irma to...to the kitchen. *he sighs* Rest in peace, Irma Roboot.
Devra: Oh god. Why are we losing everyone so often? Like, can't we just spend one day without someone dying or missing or leaving us or something? I just...I just can't deal with it.
Jocelyn: Tim isn't missing.
Devra: Yes, he is! Maybe dead...and you are acting so plainly about it!
I'm carrying Clyde into bed, and then I'll see you all tomorrow.
Jocelyn: Tim isn't missing.
Devra: Yes, he is! Maybe dead...and you are acting so plainly about it!
I'm carrying Clyde into bed, and then I'll see you all tomorrow.
-----
TJ: Hey Housemates,
These last few days have been a trainwreck for me. First, Greta ran away from everything because she truly believed she was a criminal and now, this freaking Christmas evening. The truth is that my parents never celebrated Christmas with me and the only one I could celebrate with as a kid was my babysitter Jelly. She was like the mother I've ever wanted, but when my parents found out that she was a...vampire...they straight up fired her. At christmas. In front of my eyes, when I was just 8 years old. Since then I've hated my parents. I hate everything about the 'jolly' Christmas, and mostly, hate myself. I really hoped with Greta on my side I could finally enjoy christmas again, but she wasn't there and I felt so heartbroken, and when Jocelyn insulted me and called me 'Mr. Grinch', I just couldn't control myself. I am so sorry for EVERYTHING I've done. Especially to Bradley and Jocelyn, I never wanted to hurt anybody.
Anyways, with that I will leave the house. I realised that it would be more peaceful without me. Please don't search for me.
With love,
Tim
These last few days have been a trainwreck for me. First, Greta ran away from everything because she truly believed she was a criminal and now, this freaking Christmas evening. The truth is that my parents never celebrated Christmas with me and the only one I could celebrate with as a kid was my babysitter Jelly. She was like the mother I've ever wanted, but when my parents found out that she was a...vampire...they straight up fired her. At christmas. In front of my eyes, when I was just 8 years old. Since then I've hated my parents. I hate everything about the 'jolly' Christmas, and mostly, hate myself. I really hoped with Greta on my side I could finally enjoy christmas again, but she wasn't there and I felt so heartbroken, and when Jocelyn insulted me and called me 'Mr. Grinch', I just couldn't control myself. I am so sorry for EVERYTHING I've done. Especially to Bradley and Jocelyn, I never wanted to hurt anybody.
Anyways, with that I will leave the house. I realised that it would be more peaceful without me. Please don't search for me.
With love,
Tim
Bradley: Greta! I know...I know the letter isn't what you wanted, but we will find him. I...I promise.
Greta: Bradley...he doesn't want us to search for him.
Bradley: I know.
Greta: Why...why did you call me back here?
Bradley: The two of you are...you're special together, and I know it sounds super cheesy, but that's who I am. A hopeless romantic who knows when two people need to be together.
Greta: I can't stand to be anywhere near...your wife. So either we leave together, or she leaves.
Bradley: Jocelyn is not leaving!
Sharon: HOLY KATY PERRY'S TEENAGE DREAM!
Bradley: Did you hear that? It sounded like...someone...someone screaming.
Greta: My guess? A young woman who's only recently discovered the conspiracy theory that Katy Perry is truly JonBenet Ramsey.
Bradley: Oddly specific.
Sharon: Is he...is he dead?
Greta: Is who dead? Oh....oh no.
Sharon: I was- I was just listening to Teenage Dream and sipping my latte when I noticed him out of the corner of my eye, stumbling and collapsing. Tell me he's not dead.
*silence*
Stella: It sounds like someone's dead, Matty.
Matthew: Ignore it. That's not our problem. Right now, I just want to stare in your eyes.
Stella: That's super sweet, baby, but I think someone is legit dead.
Matthew: Please, can we ignore it?
Stella: No! I'm not ignoring a dead person, okay?
Matthew: That's what I love about you, baby. Plus, look at this view.
Stella: Hey! No compliments when there are dead people!
Matthew: Right, sorry baby.
Sharon: Is everything okay with you, mister?
Stella: Oh no! That's TJ, or Timothy Jacob, from Hunt or Be Hunted!
I was at his house, like, a week ago. My sister left me alone in their pool.
Sharon: What...what happened to him?
Bradley: Jesus, I'm so unfit. *he exhales* Having this baby, you know, I just haven't been able to lose all the weight I gained.
Stella: You gained weight when your wife was pregnant?
Bradley: Look...oh no...Tim, please be okay.
Matthew: You seem like you could use a personal trainer.
Greta: Tim...please. Please be okay, Tim.
*she wipes her eyes* I'm so...so sorry for abandoning you like this. I...I didn't want to hurt you, but I...I realise now that I've destroyed you completely. I'm so sorry, Tim.
Bradley: I wish I had been more supportive. I wish I had just focused on being an awesome friend to him, instead of fighting him.
Greta: When...when he's okay...you're telling me everything I missed while I was gone.
Bradley: You missed...you missed so much.
Sharon: The poor guy. *she sniffles* Is that...is that a bottle of vodka? Oh no, why'd he have to do that? Is he...is he an idiot?
Matthew: Oh wow.
Stella: Matty! Don't get involved. We're here to mourn.
Greta: Mourn? I...I don't want to mourn him. *she sniffles*
Matthew: Oh wow.
Stella: Matty! Don't get involved. We're here to mourn.
Greta: Mourn? I...I don't want to mourn him. *she sniffles*
.
.
.
.
.
.
The princess slept
for years and years, and not once did she wake. Not when chirping birds
rest on her windowsill and sing tunes of joy. Not when vines crawled
upwards towards the sky and cracked the sandstone bricks with each tight
squeeze. Not even when the handsome prince kissed her soft lips...
But that is not the story for our fair Irma Roboot. No handsome prince would ever kiss her lips. Poor Irma.
Clyde: Goodbye, Irma. *he frowns* You never told me who freed you from the chamber of freakrats. Oh, I wish you would wake to tell me. *he shakes his head* I know it must be someone in this house. It couldn't be anyone else.
No one else knows you are here.
Clyde: But I guess we will bury you tomorrow with no evidence at all. Oh well.
I will find out who it was.
Irma: *whispering to herself* It was...
Clyde: Ugh, this is bothering me already! Maybe if I sleep...
Irma: *whispering to herself* It was...
------------------------------------------------------
Credits:
Credits:
Twiddle,
for Irma
Lo,
for Devra
Penguin,
for Clyde
Vul,
for Marsha
Turner,
for Ted
Alleen,
for Bradley
The
Singing Simmer, for Jocelyn
Tiger,
for Greta and Jason
Legend/Party, for Stella
Haylo, for Matthew
We're back! I hope you enjoyed the small hiatus - you probably missed this show so much - but here we are again, with another fresh episode for you! Unless you didn't know, the title is a play on the Star Wars film, The Empire Strikes Back. There are a few little shoutouts to the film in this episode, including the whole 'I am your father' bit.
I'd like to thank Yannik for the TJ storyline idea. A lot of what happens was Yannik's idea, so I won't take the credit for that. That letter, for example, was written by Yannik. I simply changed a few words here and there.
I hope you enjoyed episode five!
With love,
Tiger.
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