Outside the Target
(we're back baby)
Devra: Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. Interrupting my holiday peace already, are we?
Bradley: Of course!
Devra: What can I do for you? No, I will not babysit your darling child while you and Jo dip around all these islands and have the time of your lives - I can already feel the resentment building on that.
Bradley: No, nah, nothing like that. I actually need your...uh, expertise.
Devra: Okay, this seems quite important, I am moving -
Bradley: Hey, listen, it's something you can stay all relaxed and chilled out for, seriously -
Devra: Oh, sure, sure. That is what they all say.
Bradley: Hey - well, I guess I won't tell you to just lie back down again. Seems fairly pointless at this … point.
Devra: So, how can I help?
Bradley: Honestly, it's really not much. We're on holidays, I don't want … any incidents, actually,. Nothing like what's happened in the past, if I could erase all of that, you know how bloody quickly I would - but, uh. No. I want to organise a little dinner out for everyone, but you know I suck at knowing what food is good, or what people like, or whatever. I was hoping you could … do all of that for me? Puppy eyes?
Devra: Part of me really does wish I could tell you to man up, mister. But - but I will not, because I love doing everything myself and making sure the meal is superb, and all of... that. I was already searching and scouting the place before we even boarded the plane, my dear Bradley.
Bradley: Code for you've basically planned it already?
Devra: I know where to avoid. I know where the active criminal dens disguised as volcanoes are.
Bradley: Oh - uh, oddly specific.
Devra: Just stating the facts. I - I want to plan this all with you, Bradley. You have decided you don't want to spend every moment relaxing by the poolside, so you are coming with me right now, my phone is in my room.
Bradley: Oh a forceful woman, me likey. I'm kidding!
I'm very happy with Jocelyn. Don't even look at me like that.
Devra: I believe she is... what you call a "internet sensation".
Bradley: True! Don't get me wrong, I love the girl.
Devra: Okay, okay, we are stalling and it's getting us nowhere! This holiday will be over before you've even picked whether you want it to be a formal event or t-shirts and thongs by the beach. Come on, Bradley.
Bradley: I didn't pack a suit and tie, Dev -
Devra: Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
Dustin: Heyo, do you even feel temperature at all, old man?
You dived in without a second thought.
Ted: Oh - oh, my, is that what it seemed like? I was psyching myself out for quite some time, truly, I suppose you just missed that part of speech for it was all inside my head, where you don't reside - I suppose I just told myself to go for it, to go do it, to get the whole freezing-cold ... body parts part out of the way.
Dustin: Even coming down this ladder I'm looking around trying to find the switch to change the temperature... wait... okay, that's much better.
Ted: By that response, I am to be guessing your body is adjusting to the temperature? It is a much more climactic experience when you take that fearful leap and dive right in, but I suppose I used to do it often, when I was much younger.
Dustin: Climactic, huh? Wink wink. I'll have to come out here late tonight with Clyde...
Jocelyn: Oh damn - what did I just walk into.
Ted: It appears Dustin here is crude and vulgar.
Jocelyn: I mean, who isn't?
Episode Twelve - Island of Misfit Toys
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[Last time, on Outside the Target ... honestly a lot has happened, it's been many moons since an episode of this show was released, last episode was received ... not the best, to be frank. Last time was Halloween, at least one Halloween has passed since then. Maybe more, who remembers how time works? Look at this rock formation. It looks very fascinating. Let's get back to the action, shall we?]
???: Teeej -
TJ: Just leave me alone.
???: Really, Tim? That's what you want - that just seems stupid, baby.
???: I'm here in front of you, again, all over again - and you just want me to leave again, all over again? I guess something in you has changed after all...
Greta (x2): I'm appropriating another culture and everything for you, Tim! Showing you how much I love you, here I am, silly, here I am! Right in front of your eyes!
Right in front of you, Timmy.
TJ: What the hell is this -
Greta (x2): I've fixed everything, Tim! Your problems don't even exist when I'm back to you, don't you see that? Our love defeats the green meanie of our past.
TJ: Greta - is this for real?
Why are there two of you? Am I high?
Greta (x2): Two of me? There isn't anyone else like me, except, maybe you, and maybe anyone insane to purchase a reality show off me...I still don't even know how that works...but oh baby! This is all real, not make believe.
Just come with me. Follow me. Take a real holiday with me.
TJ: A real holiday...
Greta (x2): A real holiday, baby. Away from the drama of still living with the people that drive you insane with their plots and their ploys. We can finally escape them...
TJ: I just want you in my arms -
Greta (x2): That's all I ever wanted. That was why I cast you on my silly show, baby.
Come with me.
{ Greta: I couldn't ever say goodbye to you - }
{ Greta: I couldn't ever say goodbye to you - }
TJ: Get out of my head!
Greta: Tim. It's okay. I'm here.
TJ: I get it, I'm exhausted as fuck!
I can't sleep! What do you expect me to fucking do?
Greta: All I want is for you to get off your ass, Tim.
Greta: Why are you screaming at the ocean? Babe, the damn ocean never did anything wrong to you, unless you almost drowned as a kid - we never talked much about our childhoods, did we?
TJ: You're here - actually here?
Greta: I'm here, actually.
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Clyde: I mean...we're on vacation, Marsha, not the runway - gosh! Save some of the attention for the rest of us ...
Marsha: Ewe eesh jahst sahyeen thot - hehe, seeley seeley!
Clyde: Well, I know I could never pull that look off.
I mean, look at it -
Marsha: Ssstahneenng, 'ey?
Clyde: Stunning is - uh - definitely one word for it.
Hey there, Dustin.
Dustin: Just the handsome man I was looking for. Didn't realise there was a fashion show going on, I would've put on a shirt - just kidding.
Clyde: Keep the shirt off. For sure.
Dustin: Special occasion today Marsha? You sorta ... darted straight for the bedroom when we got here, something about getting into a more beach-friendly outfit, I think. I'm guessing this is it! Just ... wow.
I'm stunned speechless really.
Marsha: DAHHHSTBEEEN! Tees ahmahzeeeng cahmpplehmint.
Clyde: I think she told me she designed it herself -
Dustin: Oh did she now - excuse me, Marsha -
Marsha: Ewe ees naht (!) eehcx'cuuused fah tit.
DEESGOSTEEENG!
Dustin: My apologies, my apologies, I needed to kiss my man.
Clyde: He really cannot wait sometimes.
Marsha: Grrrrosh.
Jocelyn: There is absolutely nothing disgusting about love. Gay love, definitely not. Not a single thing wrong with it at all.
Marsha: Wahhh deh ewe seenndeh hooomoo deh phahbeeeck?
Jocelyn: I was - uh - actually talking about how I - uh - I shouldn't be talking about what I watch in private in public, actually.
I just wanted to find somewhere to read.
Dustin: So, you chose the perfect spot to co -
Clyde: What he means is! You're more than welcome to sit down with us and read, but I must say, we're in a legitimate beach house for once. You could always head on outside, down to the water, and find a spot under a palm. That's an idea?
Jocelyn: My great aunt died from skin cancer soooooo I love a roof.
Clyde: Well, that does indeed ... settle it.
Dustin: And not a single person noticed that Marsha left.
Clyde: Nobody usually does.
Tiger: Today's theme might very well be "Marsha gets bullied".
Jocelyn: I, uh - oh, nevermind.
Clyde: Joce?
Jocelyn: I'm just in the mood to read, really.
You two could be full on undressing one another and I would not be noticing once my eyes are on these pages.
Clyde: I like the sound of that.... ;)
Dustin: I, uh, kinda don't like the idea of getting undressed in front of one of your roommates? Yeah. Not for me.
Clyde: Oh yeah no I wasn't talking about her.
There's a bathroom about five paces away...
Jocelyn: You know what, reading really should just be done in a library.
We apparently have one in this house.
Marsha: Theees aahtfeet weeel wahw teh jahjeees - eeef ahnleh moi cahld cahmpet ahn Sehlif Ahhhdolll. Hehe. Ahndehweetah Ahhhhdolll.
Mahreeeen Ahhhhdollll!
Marsha: Eees ewe - eees ewe ahlreeeght?
...
Marsha: Heeelah? Ewe een dere?
...
Marsha: Wit errr ewe doooeen een deh bahhtruuum?
...
Marsha: Heellowww?
Irma: You stress so much, darling Marsha. I am perfectly content. I am taking a bath, and it would have been in peace and quiet, had you not interfered with your questioning.
Marsha: Ewe eevin ned bahhthhs?
Irma: If you had allowed me to roam freely of my own accord, perhaps you would have been able to understand what I do and do not need.
Irma: Instead I was your prisoner.
It was wonderful. Of course.
Perhaps I simply needed the relax.
Marsha: Wee - wee hiv lut ewe ahhht new -
Irma: But for what duration, my dear, my sweet Marsha?
How long will my vacation be?
How long will freedom be the flavour of the day on my lips?
...
Marsha: Ahhhbsehlooote wehrdoh thit ahhhne.
Etlisst sheh ees eeenjahinnngh. Yis.
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TJ: I, uh, don't even know why you came all the way here. You could've waited until we got back, you could've -
Greta: Hey. I wanted to enjoy this vacation with you.
I don't exactly feel like I've worked a normal job in a while, honestly all I've known is being in front of the camera or making mistakes but - but my sister is doing better.
Greta: She knows I can't abandon you forever.
TJ: But - but you're running back to her after this, yeah?
That's the assumption I've got to make -
Greta: Tim. My sister is doing better, I told you that. She can start to be alone again, I mean let's be real she's never alone.
It's been what, two years two months. I don't know time anymore.
TJ: I want to move out of that house so badly. But I can't do it without you, else they'll start thinking I'm an absolute looney tune that needs to be put on suicide watch. Give a man his privacy to hang himself.
Greta: It really is the best idea for us. Constant travelling just... broke some part of our universe, we let our guard down, but finding a little house, that could be it.
TJ: Yeah, I'm not living in a cabin.
Greta: Darn. No cabin in the woods vibes.
TJ: You would shoot yourself in the woods.
There's no internet. You have to roast me to my face.
Greta: I already do that.
Greta: We could move into the city. Rent an apartment. Adopt a cat. Table the discussion about kids indefinitely because we both don't really want them, ever. I could get a normal job for once! A lasting one...
TJ: All of that, you want that?
Greta: I just want to have my own kitchen, to be honest. Marsha leaves a stink in ours sometimes, whatever tea she brews, I think, or... genuinely did anything change since I left?
TJ: With the buffoons ... no. But with me ... everything changed. Lost my mind a little. I didn't cry, trust me, I can save myself from blubbering like a girl - but my heart wasn't in one piece, so maybe I did cry, who cares.
Greta: You big softie.
TJ: Eh. It's hard not to miss you.
Greta: Well, I missed you too. Of course I did. It was hard to not just ... come visit you, as simple as that would have been. But I knew the moment I felt squeezed in your arms I would've hurt my sister.
Holy shit, can we just have a few months now of normal days?
Fine, Mum, I'll be an accountant!
TJ: Please, I beg of you. I won't hear you talk about managing accounts or whatever, I won't have ears anymore -
Greta: Liesssssss.
TJ: Believe what you want. You can get a normal job, if they'll let ya, but please don't go study accounting. Please.
Greta: That's a good idea though. Going back to study.
TJ: Not accounting -
Greta: No, no, of course not. I don't know what yet - but it's something to think about, for sure. I've always liked learning.
TJ: You're such a bloody nerd.
I love you.
Devra: I'm not sure I completely understand, but I suppose, perhaps that is the point of all this? Just to continue to ... remain unsure. To figure things out as you follow along.
Is that what you think too?
Oh gosh -
Devra: I do not know why I am asking you.
Irma: You must acknowledge the strength of my wisdom, is all.
Devra: I believe it is more: "I find it strange to be sitting on the couch beside you again." My body got familiar with you being that of a domestic dog.
Irma: I will pretend I do not feel the weight.
Devra: Have you not considered how seamless it would actually be for you to escape and flee, permanently?
Irma: ...who said I wanted to be free?
Devra: Prisoner complex, I see. What do they call it, Stockholm syndrome?
Irma: I do believe I have wormed myself into a chair, haven't I?
Devra: I suppose you have. But anyway - I need to go organise some things, things far more important than watching this mystery show on the television.
You understand, of course?
Irma: As long as you are not betraying me, Devra.
Devra: Oh darling! I would not dare.
Irma: Indeed a very reassuring response -
Devra: Things are looking up for you, Irma!
Irma: It would appear so.
It was, frankly, absurd that I won a competition and then was immediately tossed into a jail cell. I never had cheated, too. I was simply doing my job.
Devra: Sometimes our job should be to keep quiet.
But please, sweetie Irma, enjoy your holiday! Have the most fun imaginable for a robot woman! For your wires and cogs, drench them in seawater! You are living the high life, miss Irma! The only one that will slam you back inside the cage is you.
Irma: Oh, I do doubt that -
Irma: We all have our theories! That's what makes mysteries so fun.
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Devra: Time to do some more research on the so-called world wide web -
Jocelyn: Oh, sorry, I'm busy.
Devra: I do doubt that. What are you doing, writing a mummy blog post?
It is your vacation, Jocelyn! The posting can wait! Speaking of you being a mother...where is your child? Did you leave him with an au pair?
Jocelyn: A - what? He's - he's in our room, napping. Don't wake him.
Devra: I would not dream of it.
Ted: Well, I will be off reading outside, I think. Much better to feel the wind upon your cheek as you turn the pages. It is beautifully refreshing to be on vacation, you shouldn't be on that computer, either of you.
Jocelyn: I'm almost finished!
Ted: Then you can come and join me outside afterwards. I really should go find Marsha, too, she had something to run past me.
Apparently the beach glow is perfect for it.
Devra: I truthfully had not realised he was in the room until he spoke -
Ted: That is harsh, Devra - but I understand!
Devra: I do feel like the Wicked Witch of the East, however.
Ted: Oh, Devra - I will not be flattening you with a house! Ever!
Devra: You never did tell me what all the excited typing was about ... Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: If you must know ... you can wait!
Devra: Oh - then forget I did ask. I shall forget, easily.
Jocelyn: I like to keep some things until they have their pay-off, I guess. Not everything in my life needs to be a headline the moment it happens.
Devra: As you wish, girlie - you are in fact on a television show, and have been for however long, truly it does feel like half of my lifetime has been in front of the camera - but my point stands. Best be telling the camera to return to his quarters.
Now, I suppose I will be making a phone call, since you have the computer for your shady mafia dealings - I kid, I kid.
Jocelyn: You do that -
Devra: Yes, hello? Hello there, this is Devra Eden speaking, may I ask you a few questions? Oh, you're incredibly busy - well, I suppose I will go unanswered - of course not! I am sure you can spare one minute. I have six questions.
Thank you.
Yes, you will be compensated by my kingdom. I am a princess.
Bradley: Big balls.
Dustin: You're a real child, you know that right? And I'm the one that loves 'em ... you know, basketballs. I should play basketball. Right? No. Definitely not.
Bradley: I feel like 90% of that could've just stayed in your head.
Dustin: Are we squaring off in this or what?
Bradley: Yeah, man. I think you're stalling your loss.
Dustin: As they always say in cheesy scenes like this, you're going down.
Bradley: Bring it on: all or nothing.
Dustin: Not even the first one? Lame.
Bradley: What? Are we putting a bet on this or what? A wager?
Dustin: You've gotta sink a hoop to win, Bradley.
It might just be unfair to put any sort of bet on this comp.
Bradley: You kiss Clyde with that cocky mouth ... oh, gross.
Dustin: Your head went there.
Bradley: No, it didn't!
Bradley: He shoots - he -
Dustin: He misses.
Bradley: Plenty of time for me to score still.
You're going down - please, please, please, let's put a bet on this.
It's our vacation, let's get a little risky.
Dustin: ... maybe we could figure something out. A bet.
Bradley: See, now we're talking. Come on, as I said, our holiday, let's loosen up a little, throw caution to the wind. I'm not betting money though, Jocelyn might kill me for that - and I probably don't have much else you'd want anyway.
So ... say, if I win, you do some chores for me, you become my butler, something a vacation could really use.
We should've gone to a resort.
Dustin: Is that your contribution?
Bradley: Yup. What about if you win then, weakling?
Dustin: What you said earlier ... about heads going places.
I don't need a butler, I'm pretty content just doing what I need to do, but maybe your punishment for losing - maybe it could actually benefit you, too.
So I don't feel like I'm being a brat.
Bradley: Well, uh ... I'm concentrating now. Not a single other thought will cloud my head.
Dustin: You wanna win that badly, huh? Bummer.
Bradley: I do love the idea of a butler.
Dustin: You pushed for a wager, my man.
I abused the power. Mwahahaha.
Bradley: Did you just ... evil laugh ... unironically?
Dustin: Nah man, that was ironic. Who even evil laughs if they're not in an animated movie and they just announced the cruelest plan imaginable for a PG movie?
Bradley: Uhh - yeah, good question. Irma might.
Dustin: I - I don't know her enough to even respond to that.
You guys live with quite the group.
Bradley: Tell me about it.
I suggested that maybe this trip be, you know, Jocelyn, Jamie, Tim and I - and well, you should've seen the reaction. I think Marsha posted SEVERAL ClikClaks about it.
Dustin: Oh, I'm searching for those tonight.
Devra: Hello, boys.
Bradley: Devra! Ah! That was such a wonky shot, ugh. Dustin's beating me.
Devra: I can see. Did he agree to help you plan your dinner too, if you wipe the dusty floor with his bottom?
Did he, Bradley?
Bradley: Uhhhhh ... no, he did not. Damn. I'm sorry, Devra, I'll come sort more stuff out with you after this, I promise. Once I tell Dusty here to make me a sandwich.
Dustin: Putting your slave to work before he's even your slave - harsh.
Bradley: Is it working, though? My tactic. Make my butler feel like a butler already.
Devra: I have very little faith in either of you knowing how, in fact, a butler or slave feels and is treated. First hand experience, boys.
Bradley: Devra - you're a princess.
Devra: A princess who had servants, exactly.
I am ashamed, often, to admit it, in this climate. But a castle cannot operate otherwise.
Devra: I will be sitting over there, waiting for you.
Do not get distracted and run off.
Bradley: Of course!
Devra: Now, annihilate his bottom, Bradley.
Devra: I am serious.
Dustin: He can do that, I won't refuse -
Bradley: Yesssss, let me winnnnnnnnn.
Dustin: Oh, I was joking, bro - hey bro, bro, you're gonna lose, bro.
Bradley: Hey man, you've never called me bro before. I'm touched.
Devra: Has Bradley scored a single hoop yet? This is abysmal.
Bradley: I've got this one - c'mon!
Devra: He would not have lasted a day in my kingdom.
Dustin: I WINNNNNNNNN!
Bradley: I'm supposed to be the sporty one -
Dustin: I think I got in your head, is all.
I was so determined to not be your butler, I had to think creatively.
And it paid off, you didn't score a single hoop. I mean ... I only got one myself, but one more than zero, that's called a win. A nail biter.
Dustin: Mr. Wager, I'm afraid not.
A bet is a bet, even though we didn't shake on it because we were too focused on shooting hoops. No one needs to be a butler, though!
Really, it's a win win.
TJ: Look at that view. I mean, you are, but - yeah, wow.
I'm not gay, but that is a stunning view -
Greta: Huh?
TJ: Haha, nothing. I'm gonna climb down from this tower, maybe go for a little walk.
I'm not abandoning you, don't stress.
Greta: Oh, I'm not stressing. Don't really know what I'm looking at, it's not dark enough to see the stars, but ... well, I guess I can see some things off in the distance.
TJ: I'm sure you can.
Greta: Out there on the horizon -
TJ: Come join me down there when you want to.
Greta: Yeah. I'll be down soon.
I just want to keep gazing at the pretty setting sun.
TJ: It's not the prettiest part of the view though.
Greta: What was that?
TJ: Oh, nothing.
Greta: Okay. Sorry, sometimes I'm just slightly deaf.
Other times ... I just want to hear what you said again.
Greta: Let's not run this time. Let's just settle for normal.
TJ: There is no normal for us -
Greta: That's true. Yeah. Let's settle for new identities?
TJ: I'd love that. I love you.
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Greta: Why the heck are we running now?
TJ: I don't flaming know! Don't ask me!
Greta: Well the camera guy certainly didn't say, and now you start running down this hill! I'm just following your lead, babe.
TJ: You don't always have to! Just bloody walk then.
Greta: You bloody walk!
TJ: No!
Greta: Well then I guess we're running.
If I stop talking, it is because I am panting, because I haven't ran around for a while ... or have I, I don't know, I'm just always tired!
TJ: Same here!
Greta: You're not out of shape! You never will be!
TJ: Aww babe. That's so icky and gross.
Greta: You think that's - you think that's bad?
TJ: Please don't. I'm begging.
I don't want you taking notes from Jo -
Greta: I wouldn't dream of it, babe.
I love you too.
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Marsha: HOOOI! Moi neem ees Matcha Marshelll - ennd moi ees ah sooooupersteer! Soupersteer seengah, reeillaahtee sheww cahntisstint endeh ahhll-reend eentreesteen weemin!
Moi ees teh Miranda Sings aff teh Seems weeldeh!
Wah shield ewe kissed moi ehn Ahhhld Diggseh, Neh Treechks?
Gahhhd queesteenshisaion!
Marsha: Beeefear moi shewws ewe! 'Eeers mah eennfah aboot moi!
- hiv meeeeelionssss ahf fahloooweers !
- wahn Hannt eh Bee Hahnted !
- eees reeCEEPEEint ahf Nooboo-elll Pic Prieeesh
Newwww moi hash SANG fah eweeeeee!
Marsha
Paaahpah deeeenteh prich
Moi eees een trahhbleh deeeeeep
Paaahpah deeeenteh prich
Moi bin loooseen slep
Marsha
Bahht moi meed ahpt 'er moiheeend
Moi eeees keipeheen moi beeebe, mmm,
keeipehen moi bebe
Marsha
Paaahpah deeeenteh prich
Moi eees een trahhbleh deeeeeep
Moi eeees keipeheen moi beeebe, mmm
Gahna kip moi bebe
Ted: I have to stop you right there, Marsha -
Marsha: LEMME FEEENATCH MOI SING!
Ted: Marsha, it's okay, I just have some advice. The sun has gone down, we've ran out of time. You did plenty of takes, I do believe my camera has ran out of space, just like the sun, truly. We shall start again tomorrow.
Marsha: Sahmteenj's ahllwish rooeeneng teh tick!
Moi nedss tah boi een Ahhhld Diggseh, Neh Treechks -
Ted: What is your obsession with this show, "Old Dogs, New Tricks", all of the sudden? You have never mentioned it to me before - a show for singers to sing live, but behind a curtain, while an elderly woman lip-syncs their song?
Is this the future for Marsha Marshall?
Marsha: Eeet - eet trouhlee ees, meestah Teddulah! Moi ees ahllwish theen-king 'boot aaire fooutear, 'ear moi? Seeengin ahlwish gahnna bee beeegah! Fanteeebyahleeeesha-er!
Theese shaw, thees chinsh, eet ees ah chinsh afff looophteeem!
Moi weenair seah thit ahld woomin wit moi veece!
Ted: I can see how passionate you are about it, it is frankly very refreshing in this household of ours. A great big dreamer! Someone unafraid to pursue something that will be bigger than anything they have done - done recently.
Marsha: Ewew ahhdehstinnt eet, Teddayyyy.
Ted: We will be back here tomorrow morning, and we will get you an audition on Old Dogs, New Tricks.
.
.
Bradley: How do I look?
Jocelyn: Babe - of course you look handsome. You know we didn't need to dress up much for this dinner anyway, so yes, you look great.
I just got Jamie to sleep, again.
Bradley: That little rugrat. Haha.
I've gotta say - you're just as beautiful as always.
Jocelyn: Oh really? This old thing -
Bradley: I've never seem that dress before -
Jocelyn: You have good eyes, my handsome man. I bought it just before we left for this trip, thought you'd cook something like this up for me to wear it ...
Bradley: You look sensational.
TJ: Aww thanks babe!
Bradley: You can shove a sock in it!
TJ: You know you love me. I hope there's enough seats at the table, for, uh ... well, Greta's back, is all.
Bradley: I'm so glad she is. She texted asking for the address, so we knew.
Bradley: We definitely have the room for her.
Jocelyn: And thankfully she actually packed luggage too, so she's not upstairs rooting for my clothes, calling everything ugly or cutesy. I'm guessing she ran up there -
Bradley: That or she's taking a piss -
Jocelyn: Brad!
TJ: She's getting changed, yeah. It's - it's honestly good having her back here, well, back near me again. Cause here really isn't here.
Jocelyn: You two right back to the way things were?
TJ: I mean there wasn't like, bullshit between us or anything. So, yeah.
Jocelyn: It's really good to hear that.
And that sounds so insincere. Gosh.
Bradley: I'm sure my man over here knows that you mean it.
Tim and Greta back together again, after all this time.
Two years, feels like.
Jocelyn: It doesn't! How does that help?
Bradley: Can't I rub a little ice on the burn now that it's healing?
TJ: Rub all the ice you want! Rub away, rub away -
Jocelyn: It's just a little rude, really. Like the way you've been feeling is all still there, no matter what's just happened. Yeah?
TJ: At least I'm feelin' better, with my woman at my side.
Bradley: Yeah, exactly.
Greta: Hi everyone. I'm his woman.
TJ: Term of endearment or whatever, babe!
Greta: I hope this looks okay for dinner, I wasn't sure what the dress code was for the restaurant -
TJ: You look perfect, babe, I'm sure.
Jocelyn: Yeah, you do look stunning, Greta, and Brad hasn't told me much but he's letting Tim get away with not changing, so we're definitely not headed to a fancy five-star place - sorry, Tim.
TJ: Sorry I didn't put on a dress and heels!
Bradley: Let me close my eyes and picture that... yuck.
Jocelyn: Yeah, not the prettiest drag queen.
TJ: Come here, you.
Greta: Don't mind if I do -
Jocelyn: Do you know where everyone else is -
Jocelyn: - aaaaaannnddddd they're kissing.
Bradley: Oh there's definitely a lot of tongue in there.
Jocelyn: Lover of mine, do you know where everyone else is?
Bradley: I - uh - honestly no, I have no clue.
Greta: You're so ugly.
TJ: UH YOU TOO! Thanks for that. Truly.
Greta: We're so annoying, those two might kill us.
TJ: Um, how are they better?
Since you left, they started complimenting each other while their coffee brewed in the morning. Like every second they waited, new compliment from thin air.
Jocelyn: Okay, lovebirds, can someone go find Marsha and Ted and Irma and Clyde and Dustin and ... Devra, surely she'll make her dramatic entrance soon.
Devra: Absolutely nothing dramatic about me, Jocelyn.
Are you ready to carry out our plans, Bradley?
Bradley: More than ever.
Devra: Let's not keep the restaurant waiting.
Bradley: It's amazing to have everyone here, I'm glad we could squeeze us all in, for sure. Thank you, guys. Uh, I'm not the best speech maker, so I'll keep it short, really, but I just want to say - it's been really the weirdest time of my life, but I've made some memories that I will always remember. Whether they are good or bad, who cares, my life's been shaped by the people in this room, so thank you for enjoying this vacation with me. We still have so much of it left to enjoy, so let's keep making memories.
Let's keep falling in love with the lives we're living, beyond the miseries that might confront us, or whatever just jumpscares us for the fun of it.
Bradley: It's not much, but we made do. We always seemingly do, hey - haha.
This dining room doesn't scrub up too bad, huh.
Devra: I am hiding my disappointment that no restaurant wanted ten people, including a robot that doesn't eat food -
Bradley: We couldn't leave Irma at home - it's why we dressed her up like a dog and put her in a cage in the luggage carrier.
Bradley: I love our little horde of weirdos.
TJ: Yeah, I'm separate from that, right?
Bradley: Of course you are ... not! You big freak, Tim!
Jocelyn: Only a little bit like bullying -
Marsha: Moi feer ahn LUSHES thees deeena, Brrridlee!
Tink ewe feh pahteen eet touget-heer.
Devra: Ahem.
Marsha: Ohhhhh, eh? Tah preeenciss 'elped? Bootyful.
Bradley: Imagine what our lives could have looked like if none of this happened ... true, I would see my family more often, besides Joce and Jamie, and maybe it would be completely different, certainly if I never signed up for the show.
But I did, and we're here, so all we have is the future.
And I'm genuinely so excited for it.
Bradley: The future is looking brighter, as cheesy as that is.
And maybe, sure, things will change - but we've just got to accept those changes, because what is life if we just stick to what we're used to, what keeps us around the people we've gotten adjusted to.
Andddd I said I would keep it short, but I just keep going -
Jocelyn: It's beautiful, though, babe. I'm glad you're speaking your heart.
Bradley: I - I didn't know how I could make this speech without saying what's there.
Jocelyn: I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with you.
Bradley: Me too - I'm excited to have this new family until the end.
Bradley: But I better go check on the food, hey! Make sure it isn't burning or anything!
Clyde: Probably a very smart idea - I'm starving.
Dustin: Mmm, me too.
Devra: I did indeed help Bradley choose the menu too.
Poor fellow wanted to just order take out.
Bradley: I wish she'd let me.
Or I had a butler.
Why'd I have to suck at basketball all the sudden ...
.
.
[ Later ... ]
Greta (?): Nothing has changed, Tim - but why did you do it?
Greta (?): You left me at the alter, Tim!
How can you say you love me and then do something like that?
I said, I couldn't ever say goodbye to you.
And then you stabbed me with those stupid glasses.
------------------------------------------------
Credits...
Lo, for Devra
Alleen, for Bradley
Yannik, for Dustin & TJ
Turner, for Ted
The Singing Simmer, for Jocelyn
Tiger, for Greta
Penguin, for Clyde
Vul, for Marsha
Twiddle, for Irma
We're back! It's been, well, over two years since I released some OTT content, so it was actually VERY weird coming back to this, but I enjoyed it just as much as usual. It took some adjustment though, and some things are a little different, but hopefully it feels like we've just jumped right back in, albeit with some jokes about my extra long hiatus. A lot of things changed for me in two years, including the pandemic, of course, but definitely a lot of health things for me meant I shifted away from this game and this world and focused on my own. But, out of the blue, I suddenly persisted to release this - episode twelve at last! With all the usual weirdness of content made by me, because being normal is boring. So yes, a couple hallucinations. We love a good hallucination.
It lets me play around with editing tools. Hehe.
I hope to be here again very soon, much sooner,
lots of love as usual,
- Tiger
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