Outside the Target, Episode One: For Sale (Part Two)

Outside the Target (also known as Outside the Target of Reality TV) is the new sitcom following the lives of the contestants of Hunt or Be Hunted, the second season of High Hopes. Welcome to the first episode, titled..."For Sale". 

Part Two

Grape: Oh, uh...you didn't mention any of this in the listing.

Devra: No...we did not. Clyde? 

Grape: A cage? Surely that's...illegal. 

TJ: I need to send a picture of this to Greta. 

 Izzy: Devra, baby! This is kinky. 

Why didn't you mention the freaking sex cage you installed? Me likey. 

Grape: Oh, hello Isabelle. Sorry, Izzy. 

Izzy: Grapey! You buying this house for me?  

 Grape: I'm...I'm not sure I want this house anymore. 

Devra: We're...we're terribly sorry, but we are in the middle of uninstalling it. Free of charge, might I add. 

TJ: I told you no one would like the cage, Devra. 

Izzy: I LOVE IT! Love, love...

Grape: Please tell me she doesn't come with the house either. 

TJ: Oh, Izzy. Of course...not. 

Devra: She's just stopping by, aren't you, Izzy? 

Izzy: I want this cage! Like, before you break it down! 

Devra: Clyde! 

Clyde: I'm sorry, I tried to stop her but she refused to leave until she entered the cage-

Grape: Why does this house even have a cage? 

That would be nice to know. 

TJ: Uh, well...I'm into various kinky things, like cages! 

Devra: Ropes, handcuffs...you'd hate to be in a sexual relationship with this man, I'd assume. If you do not like cages...

Grape: Yes, he's not my type. 

Irma: Ahhhhhhhhh!  

-----

TJ: We're here. Finally. 

Devra: Still can't believe Izzy bought our house. Claiming her parents were happy to oblige in handing her the required money, even though you know, they loathe her now. 

Clyde: I suppose they thought she'd never bother them again. 

Bradley: How's our little baby doing, baby? 

Jocelyn: Kicking. Letting me know she's perfectly fine. 

Bradley: I can't wait to meet her. 

Jocelyn: Me too, baby. 

Bradley: Finally, we're home. 

Jocelyn: No more sleeping curses or rogue missions. 

Bradley: Thank god. 

.

.

.

Greta: You know, I never quite liked you. From the day we decided to cast an actual Roboot, I thought to myself - and to plenty of others - "why her?" Why cast a robot for a reality show, considering there's not much reality in robotics. Anyway, I still didn't like you when you stormed out of a competition; or when you advanced to Round 2. 

Greta: And now, I not only dislike you plenty, I loathe you, Irma Roboot. 

Not only did you kidnap the love of my life, but you are a disgrace. 

You, Irma, thought you could take over the world. Surprise, you can't. 

Sleep well. 

 

.

.

.

Marsha: Yeepee! Yeepee! 

Ted: Marsha, is that you? How does our private quarter look? 

Marsha: Breelint, Tedular! Moi lives eet.

Ted: I'm coming to check it all out now. 

Marsha: Noms! Non, onleh seenglar knom.

Leek et carpeet! Freets and veggees. Leek! 

Ted: I'm coming, Marsha. 

Marsha: Ees that? MAJIQUE MIRROR? 

Ted: I'm here- oh, my word. This room is very...it is very you, Marsha. Very inspired and very...colourful. 

Marsha: Ewe do nit live eet? 

Ted: No, I do. I do, love. I...live for it.

 Marsha: Wee 'ave latter know.

Ted: I see, I see. Not sure if climbing a ladder often will be most beneficial for my back, however, for you, anything is possible. 

Marsha: Moi leeves it! *she dances* Leeve it! Live it! 

Ted: Shall we head upstairs to the bedrooms? 

Marsha: Yesh pless. 

.

.

Clyde: I like this all. So far, I think this house will soon turn into a home. Oh, I can't wait for tomorrow to begin. Turn a new leaf and enjoy this wonderful build. 

Producer Sally: Goodnight, Clyde. Sleep in tomorrow, okay? 

Clyde: Oh, can't make any promises, Sally. 'Night. 

Bart: Goodnight, Clyde.

Clyde: Oh my, Bart is back. What a wonderful day. 

Bart: You didn't have to deconstruct a cage. That's always great. 

Clyde: Oh, I know. Goodnight, everyone. 

.

.

.

Devra: I do not care if everyone else is sleeping, I want my tunes! Turn them up, Joaquin! 

Joaquin: I'm afraid Greta says no, lovelies. 

Devra: Lovelies my ass. Turn up my tunes, sir! 

Joaquin: Greta will not be happy with you, love.

*the music grows louder* 

Devra: Thanks, baby! *she dances* Oh! Remind me when I wake tomorrow to call Jason. I want to arrange for a brunch here at the new house, if he would like to come. 

Joaquin: Let me just write that down...

*the music shuts off* 

Devra: Was that you, Greta? Come and fight me. 

Joaquin: That wasn't Greta. She's fast asleep, curled next to TJ. 

Devra: Are you lying to me, Joaquin? You sure they're not...you know...

 Joaquin: Oh, ah...they are. 

Devra: Aha! I knew it! Those...what the hell. 

???: Hello, Devra. It's a pleasure to meet you. 

Devra: Wait...I know who you are. No, it can't be...

Joaquin: Oh my- it is. 
  

Lacey: Oh it is. Hey, baby, it's Lacey Hiatt. 

Stella: And it is Stella Hiatt too. 

Devra: They're back-

Stella: Hell yeah we're back. 

 Credits: 

Lo, for Devra

 Penguin, for Clyde

Twiddle, for Irma

 Yannik, for TJ (aka Timothy Jacob) 

Alleen, for Bradley

The Singing Simmer, for Jocelyn

Tiger, for Greta, Grape and Izzy

Vul, for Marsha

Turner, for Ted

Legend/Party, for Lacey and Stella

 Thanks to Twiddle for the suggestion of Outside Reality as a title. I simply adapted that to perfectly fit the hunting theme.  

Thanks to Tiger (me) for building the new house. Why the hell am I thanking myself anyway? 

Once again, thanks to all of the real-life contestants from Hunt or Be Hunted. Stay tuned for more episodes coming soon, including the Christmas special! 

-Tiger