Here is the third episode of 'Outside the Target', titled...'Witchcraft'...
Bradley: I'm...I'm a father. Joce...I'm a dad.
Jocelyn: I know, and...I couldn't be more proud for you. I'm a mother now and I feel...so different. A mother?
Bradley: You'll be perfect. I can't wait to raise our baby.
Jocelyn: Our baby...
Jocelyn: I can't believe he's a...well, he's a he.
Bradley: Our baby boy. We thought...we thought it was a little girl.
Jocelyn: I don't care. I'm just glad we can welcome a child.
No matter his sex, this is our baby.
.
.
Ted: I cannot believe it. Our Jocelyn is a mother now. My, the time seems to have flown by so fast. Hasn't it?
Devra: Yes. It felt like it was yesterday we were...trapped...in that reality show torture chamber. Oh, sorry, Greta.
Greta: No, don't be. I understand why you're glad to be free from endless competition and drama. Well...
Ted: We will never escape the drama, I am afraid.
Greta: Too true, Ted. Too true.
Devra: I'd like to think...with Irma caged up...we're escaping the worst of the drama, at least. No massive arguments, so far. Not that we did experience too many often in the Hunte Estate.
Greta: Nobody has mailed you a rose?
Devra: I will kick you straight to hell.
TJ: Now, Devra, that is no way to speak to Greta now that she's one of us.
Ted: She...is one of us, isn't she?
TJ: She is. She's our friend. So, don't threaten to kill her, okay?
Greta: You don't have to guard me, baby.
Devra: I am not the type of person to kill, Timothy.
Ted: Neither am I, personally.
TJ: I'm...happy for you both, then.
Devra: And I am happy for you too. Can I call you both Grimothy?
Greta: Ah. You people with your 'ship names. I could never follow those things, but I suppose Grim isn't too bad.
Ted: Did someone mention 'grim'? Here comes the nurse.
Devra: For once, Ted Pleasanton isn't pleasant.
Ted: I simply commented on her complexion, is all.
Moira: Jocelyn is managing perfectly fine after the birth. It's...it's a boy. A cute, innocent baby boy. They've decided to still name him Jamie.
TJ: Well I'm glad. Boys are better.
Devra: No, I disagree. Princesses are simply more...refined.
Moira: The two will be out here shortly.
Greta: Thank you, Moira.
TJ: Oh...I recognise her now! It's Moira Duval from the first season of High Hopes. Boy...
Greta: Yes, she has moved on from everything in season one.
TJ: A nurse now...that's odd. Oh well, her choice.
Bradley: I'm a father!
Ted: The new parents! It must feel wonderful to finally be able to call yourself that, doesn't it?
Jocelyn: It does. I...I can't believe it, really. I'm now a mother to a beautiful, healthy baby boy named Jamie.
TJ: Congrats, bro. You did it, and with such a smoking woman as your wife. I'm beyond proud, dude.
Jocelyn: Hey, Tim! Stop it!
Bradley: Thank you, Tim. She is smoking, isn't she?
TJ: Uh huh.
Devra: Well done, Jocelyn. I am glad I can call you a friend after I eliminated you from the game that time before.
Jocelyn: You've been supportive, really. Thank you, Devra.
Devra: Supportive? You were sleeping for so long.
*Devra and Jocelyn laugh; Bradley switches on the TV*
Alex: Hello, my name is Alex De Carla. Breaking news now comes from the site of the third season of High Hopes, currently untitled-
Bradley: Keep it quiet, this seems interesting.
TJ: Hey, look...does Greta want to hear this?
Devra: She sold the show. She has the right to hear the goings-on of the season that she could have hosted with delicate care.
Jocelyn: I'm sure it's nothing.
Greta: Yeah, it's nothing.
TJ: Greta...
Alex: There's been, uh, confirmation that the missing woman from Hidden Springs - Cory McMullen - was indeed kidnapped and murdered by an unnamed killer. It can be believed that she died within the property of a George Earle, who seems to have passed one year ago. The property in question is an abandoned circus, the proposed location for High Hopes Season Three.
Greta: No...no...no, it can't...it can't be...
Devra: That girl...she was one of my kingdom members. Now she's dead.
Thank you.
TJ: It wasn't her fault. She didn't know they-
Jocelyn: She didn't need to sell.
Greta: Please just leave me alone.
Jocelyn: Leave you alone? So you make more irresponsible decisions and harm more people? No, I couldn't-
Greta: Why do you care what I do?
Jocelyn: Because I am sick and tired of you bossing everyone around.
Greta: I...I haven't bossed-
Jocelyn: You don't think you have, but you definitely have.
Ever since the move, everything you said has been...in some way...demeaning and disrespectful.
Greta: I'm...I'm trying not to, you know.
Jocelyn: Trying is not enough.
Your...shitty
decision killed someone. So, therefore, you trying to be a good person clearly
does not work.
Bradley:
Joce, please-
Jocelyn:
No. I know you all
expect me to be the happy-sunshine-singing Sleeping freaking Beauty, but
I'm...I'm done.
Greta: I didn't know she would-
Jocelyn: No, you didn't. You didn't know anyone would anything, and yet you made the decision alone to abandon High Hopes.
Greta: I didn't abandon High Hopes-
Jocelyn: What do you call it then? Saying goodbye?
Greta: I didn't want to continue hosting High Hopes. Simple as that.
Jocelyn: So the first person to raise their hand could simply destroy the perfect name built for it?
Greta: I wouldn't say High Hopes was ever 'perfect'...
Jocelyn: Because you were hosting it!
TJ: Hey, Joce-
Jocelyn: No, TJ, stay the hell out of this. This is between me and the white witch.
Bradley: Jocelyn, please. Don't turn this into something far larger than it currently is. It-
Jocelyn: No, Brad, you too. Stay out of it.
Jocelyn: No, TJ, stay the hell out of this. This is between me and the white witch.
Bradley: Jocelyn, please. Don't turn this into something far larger than it currently is. It-
Jocelyn: No, Brad, you too. Stay out of it.
Greta: Since when was this all about you, Jocelyn? Since I could remember, you didn't want to become involved in anything dramatic. It would always be Marsha or Devra, perhaps Irma. Now, why you?
Jocelyn: Why me? Hm...why me?
Greta: This doesn't involve you-
Jocelyn: Why me? Hm...why me?
Greta: This doesn't involve you-
Jocelyn: Oh but it does. You were essentially the reason for Jamie's death. If you hadn't set up that weird-ass time travel device-
Greta: If you hadn't pressed it...
Jocelyn: No, this comes all the way back to you. It's your fault.
Greta: Your fault.
Greta: *slapping her* That's for calling me a white witch.
Bradley: Greta! Stop this! End this fight right now!
Greta: Tell her to end it. After all, it was Cinderella here who started by first screaming at me. The girl's death-
Bradley: -Is horrible but no more discussion.
Jocelyn: She just slapped a woman who just gave birth.
Greta: Oh, you'll survive, honey. Not like I whacked the baby out of your stomach with one slap.
Jocelyn: To think you could have attended his birthday parties.
Bradley: Joce...
Bradley: Stop stressing yourself out. You need to care for the baby. Our baby...
Jocelyn: I'm not the monster here.
Bradley: Joce, she didn't mean for anything terrible to happen.
Jocelyn: No, she did. You can see it in her eyes, Brad.
Greta: The white witch isn't really my style. But if you want me to be the witch...well, bring it on. Greta Francis does enjoy dressing up.
TJ: Greta...can we talk? Please-
Greta: I...I don't feel like talking right now, Tim.
TJ: Later, okay?
.
.
.
TJ: Greta...can we talk? Please-
Greta: I...I don't feel like talking right now, Tim.
TJ: Later, okay?
.
.
.
Greta: She wanted a witch and here I am. Oh, I never realised how...magnificent I look in the colour green. Thinking she can drag me around the mud and come out clean as a bar of soap. Oh, honey, this isn't a fairy tale. The princess in this story will end up covered in thick, putrid mud.
Jocelyn: She thinks she can boss me around like a carrot on a stick, I don't think so. My name is Jocelyn McGray and I defeated Irma Roboot with my bare hands. No one will mourn the wicked when she too is defeated. *singing* It's time to try...defying gravity.
Jocelyn: Hello, Greta. Don't you look...ugly.
Greta: Oh, you wanna play that card, sweetheart. You truly want to call me ugly? Oh, you pathetic fool.
Jocelyn: Me? The pathetic fool? You fell for the bad boy.
Greta: And you fell under the robot's stupid sleeping spell.
-----
Clyde: Hello again, Irma. How did you sleep?
I can tell you the good news, I suppose. Bradley and Jocelyn's baby, a little boy named Jamie, will be returning with them this morning!
Irma: Yes, yes.
Clyde: Ah, I am glad you are so elated for this news.
Clyde: Look, I wanted to tell you in person that I am attending a blind date event today. I would hate for you to hear from someone other than me.
Irma: I...I....proud...Clyde.
Clyde: I'm sorry, what was that?
Irma: I...Irma...pr-
Clyde: Oh, Irma. I wish you could also tag along with me; I do believe you would like a night out on the town every now and then, yet look at you now.
No one would even bother to look at you in those clothes.
Irma: Why...why...you-
Clyde: What is it, Irma? Duck got your tongue?
Irma: Shut...up...you...idiot.
Clyde: Oh, maybe if you didn't pause so often, that would be a complete sentence.
Irma: I can speak a complete sentence, Clyde Stoners.
Clyde: Oh wow, she's been lying to us all along.
Clyde: Now you will never, ever, ever be able to leave this cell. Oh, you truly outdid yourself this time, Irma.
Irma: Let...me...out.
Clyde: I thought you could speak clearly?
Irma: Stop this...now. You won't...win.
Irma: Let...me...out.
Clyde: I thought you could speak clearly?
Irma: Stop this...now. You won't...win.
.
.
Ted: We're home, honey. Hehe, I'm kidding. Is that what the young kids say when they're trying to be funny?
Marsha: Hulloh, Teddy.
Ted: Is there something wrong, Marsha? Nervous, perhaps.
Marsha: Moi ees ne'rer nerveesh.
Ted: It is perfectly normal to be feeling the feelings you are feeling in this current moment. You are heading towards a big break, Marsha.
Marsha: Moi ees nebber nerveesh. Moi seed.
Ted: Yes, I know, but you could be simply saying that.
Would you like to run through the performance now?
Marsha: Wouldeen thit shpool eet, Teddular? Ewe meest beh surpreesed for beeg night, pless. Pless?
Ted: I will love it no matter when I see it, Marsha. Please, performing in front of someone before the big performance will be good.
Marsha: Eef ewe sah soo.
*during the practice*
Ted: Absolutely...stunning! Bravo, Marsha. Bravo!
Marsha: 'Em steel parfoo'rmeen.
Ted: I know, you're doing fantastically! Keep up the wonderful work and you could be winning a...oh, what's the award for live performance?
Marsha: Moi donnt knew, moi deen neet carr.
Marsha: 'Em soupsteer 'ready.
Ted: As the young kids would say, uh, I am saying this correctly?
'Damn right?' Is that correct, dear?
Marsha: Yeshie! Breevie, Tedular, ewe ees steer of meistring 'ung peepill.
Ted: I...I am?
Ted: Oh, boy, I could not be more proud of myself then. Thank you for all the preparation. I can finally fit in with the...hip young ones now. Thank you once more, girl. *he relaxes*
Marsha: Stoop eet. Scarring meh.
Ted: I am sorry, I was excited.
Marsha: Moi ees sciteed too, yeet moi nose too 'troll eet.
Marsha: Moi emm soupsteer. Moi emm soupstarr, and moi wheel deestree EV'REEONN.
Ted: Please, dear, don't destroy anyone. I would rather not see a repeat of the tragic Irma situation.
Marsha: Niboodee peets babeh een teh corn-eer.
Ted: Please, dear, don't destroy anyone. I would rather not see a repeat of the tragic Irma situation.
Marsha: Niboodee peets babeh een teh corn-eer.
.
.
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Jocelyn: Brad, she's a nuisance. I'm sorry, but she must go. It's either her or...I'm afraid I'd be leaving with out baby too. One of us can't stay here, Brad-
Bradley: You can both stay here, please!
Jocelyn: The house must side with myself or the wicked witch of the west.
Bradley: Jocelyn, no...
Jocelyn: Yes, Brad. Remember the news story? She's a criminal now, because she sold the reality show to murderers-
Bradley: She didn't know they were murderers! She-
Jocelyn: So you're siding with her now? You think you can betray the Good-
Bradley: Joce, no...
Greta: Boo!
Jocelyn: Jesus Christ, how long has she been standing behind me?
Greta: Oh, long enough to hear you rattling on about me once more and complaining to your boy toy. Oh...Glinda...
Jocelyn: That was uncalled for.
TJ: Both of you- cut this shit out.
Devra: I don't like being Switzerland. That is correct, isn't it? Switzerland is like the middle party, right? The fence guy?
TJ: I'm pretty sure, maybe search that up online?
Bradley: Hey! We're scolding these two right now.
TJ: Right. Stop this mess right now. Neither of the two of you will be leaving this house unless I say so-
Devra: Why do you get to say so? I feel like I should get to say so, considering I'm Switzerland here.
Bradley: No one is saying anything but "I'm sorry"!
Bradley: Please, end this piteous feud right now and prepare for Marsha's performance later today. I'm sure she would prefer for you to enjoy that.
Greta: I'm sorry, Brad, but I can't.
Jocelyn: If she can't, then I certainly can't. Not after what she has done...
.
.
Jocelyn: Over here, greenie.
Greta: What is this now, round three?
Jocelyn: Finally, my husband has quit bothering me long enough for me to come here and face you once more. There's something I need to say.
Greta: Go ahead.
Jocelyn: This isn't all about your foolish attempt to sell the reality show. That was the final...brick in the yellow road, would you say. This is much larger.
Greta: Please, tell me all about.
Jocelyn: I followed every single action you made throughout Hunt or Be Hunted and I must say...you, Greta Francis, are a...lousy person.
Greta: That's the reason for this feud? I'm a lousy person?
Jocelyn: That's not all, no. My murderer for a cousin, well, he hates you too.
Greta: What? Your cousin is a murderer? What did I do to him?
Jocelyn: You...you broke his heart. Nearly left him to commit suicide.
Greta: Your cousin...he's a murderer because I broke his heart? Sweetheart, people don't murder after Greta Francis breaks up with them. He's just a twisted person.
Jocelyn: He...he told me to kill you.
Greta: I suppose now is the perfect opportunity, isn't it?
Jocelyn: Oh...it is.
Jocelyn: I wish I could say I was sorry, but I supposed you deserve this after all you have done. Oh, and technically, I'm not a murderer. The police aren't called murderers for sentencing criminals to death.
Greta: I'm not a criminal.
Jocelyn: Yes, yes you are.
.
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Dorothy Gale had never looked as pale as she did now, her head resting against the cold, hard yellow brick road. The emerald grass slithered towards her frozen body like aggravated snakes, yet never met her pale flesh. The silver slippers on her feet had been replaced by her original, worn shoes. Dorothy Gale was no more now than a corpse in Oz.
Munchkin Bradley: Oh heavens! The girl...is she indeed, truly...dead?
Munchkin Marsha: Mah lored. Sheh ees.
Munchkin Bradley: Oh no, why it cannot be? She was innocent in everything and now she must die? I cannot comprehend such a tragedy!
Cowardly Ted the Lion: *grunts awkwardly* Poor Dorothy. Aw, she lived a depressing life and ended up here!
Tin TJ: If only I had a heart to care.
Scarecrow Clyde: Hey, Tin TJ, that's horrible. Don't say that. She was a friend.
Flying Irma Monkey: Aak! *she chuckles* Death of Dorothy Gale!
Hahahahaha. Death of....Dorothy Gale! Death!
Munchkin Marsha: Why ees sheh 'ere? Oh non...
Scarecrow Clyde: No, it cannot be. The wicked witch of the west.
She cannot be here while we mourn our Dorothy.
Wicked Greta: Shh, my pretty. Shh....
Tin TJ: She stole my heart. She must be punished.
Munchkin Bradley: She must have killed Dorothy! Punish her!
Wicked Greta: Oh, must I be punished? *she giggles evilly* It truly is a shame about your little friend. Sadly, she threatened to kill me. Bye bye...Dorothy Gale.
Jocelyn the Good: There she is. The wicked witch.
Wicked Greta: *evil cackle* Here I am. No Wizard that there is or was ever going to bring me down. Not even you, Galinda.
Jocelyn the Good: Ugh! She can't even remember my name!
Cowardly Ted the Lion: Oh my!
Jocelyn the Good: Burn the witch.
Tin TJ: Burn her! May she never...steal my heart again!
Flying Irma Monkey: *muttering* Oh no. My master...must flee...help me, others.
Greta: What...what is this?
Jocelyn the Good: May she burn in hell, for she has killed an innocent. Now she may never be redeemed for such a horrifying crime.
Munchkins: Oh my! We cannot watch this!
Scarecrow Clyde: Burn her!
Greta: Burn...the...witch...
.
.
Devra: Greta! Oh my god, are you okay? Please. Tell me who did this to you?
Are you even breathing? Oh, you must be...right? Greta, please.
I need to tell the others right now. I'll be right back...
Devra: Please, I'm sorry for being so rude to you sometimes. I mean, true, you did send me a rose pretending to be some hunky man, but I can ignore that right now and help you before you die. Please, I don't want you to hate me in the afterlife.
----
Bart: How do you feel about today, Clyde?
Clyde: I'm anxious, but prepared. I think...this could either be the perfect day or end in me alone once more. I...I don't know.
Bart: I'm here to support you, pal.
Clyde: Thanks, Bart. Send the first one over.
Dustin: Hey, Clyde. I'm Dustin George.
Clyde: It's a pleasure to meet you. Please, take a seat.
Dustin: Okay, I will. Thank you for inviting me today.
I hear all about it from my sister, and...well, I thought I might as well try.
Clyde: Well, I am very glad you decided to come.
Might I say how handsome you are to be coming here on this date with me. Why couldn't you find someone else?
Dustin: Well, I...I thought I would try something different.
Jupiter: Hello. This must be the blind dates, correct?
Clyde: Yes it is. And you are?
Jupiter: My name is Jupiter Hill. I competed on Simvivor once before the...well, it was cancelled. Now I want you.
Clyde: What?
Jupiter: I would like to enjoy tonight and perhaps leave with someone by my side. I would like for that special someone to be you, Clyde Stoners.
Clyde: I...I don't know if I will go that far tonight, Jupiter.
Jupiter: With me around, of course you will.
Min Hee: Hello, Clyde. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Clyde: Ah, Min Hee, correct? I've seen you before...on that Jetset show.
Min Hee: Ah, yes. Of course. I have seen you on Hunt or Be Hunted.
Not sure how I feel about being on this sitcom.
.
.
Clyde: So, you were engaged previously? What happened there?
Dustin: I...I would rather not talk about that, okay?
Clyde: Of course! No, you're here to talk to me, not about your love life.
Dustin: Thank you. Most people prefer to ramble on about that.
Clyde: Well, I'm not here to pester you. I want to know more about you.
Dustin: Oh, okay. Well, as you know, I have a sister, Sharon, and she's everything to me. Do you know about that?
Clyde: Yes, I...I have a daughter named Abigail back home.
She's my sunshine and my moon.
Dustin: I've...I've always wanted a daughter, or at least a child of my own.
Maybe one day I could, or at least be a step-father to someone else's.
Clyde: I think that is what I've always wanted; someone else to be there for my daughter and me.
Clyde: So, Jupiter, tell me something else about yourself.
Since I understand you do enjoy late night activities.
Jupiter: I own my family business too. We are high-class jewelers.
Nothing shady about that, isn't it?
Clyde: I suppose not.
Jupiter: My poor parents...I wish they were still here to see my as I am.
Sadly, they passed away some time ago.
Clyde: Oh, I am sorry for your loss.
Jupiter: Don't be sorry, they were both horrible people. Now I am the most powerful person in the family.
Clyde: What...what did you do to your parents?
Jupiter: Me? Nothing. I know the cameras are filming, so I won't fall for your pathetic trap to out me.
Clyde: You agreed to come here, Jupiter.
Jupiter: I want someone to love me! To pleasure me!
Clyde: Go find someone weak and lonely. Like yourself.
Jupiter: I'm not weak! I am not weak!
Clyde: Please, I'm not going anywhere with you.
Jupiter: You will regret saying no to me, Clyde Stoners.
Clyde: So, you're telling me your friend suggested you come here and you were hesitant at first, but soon decided it would be stupid not to come?
Min Nee: That is not what I said.
Clyde: You told me you thought your friend would think you a coward if you didn't come.
Min Hee: We're friends, we talk.
Clyde: Well, here you are. How are you enjoying tonight then?
Min Hee: I am, I suppose. You are a well-groomed man, Clyde.
Remind me of an old friend of mine, you might recall him?
Clyde: Oh, okay. I suppose you do not find this old friend attractive, however.
Min Hee: Look, you are an attractive man, Clyde, but I am unsure where this is going.
Clyde: I too. I don't know if we are clicking, Min Hee.
Min Hee: I can't help but blame you for that.
Clyde: What? Me? I have done nothing wrong. I have simply asked questions like any normal date.
Min Hee: I do not know, Clyde. Not feeling much of a spark at all.
Clyde: Well, I think this is the end of our blind date then.
Sorry for the poor date.
Min Hee: I am sorry too. You seem lovely but...we aren't connecting.
Clyde: I agree. I think we must only be friends.
Min Hee: Okay, Clyde.
Clyde: *laughing* That's hilarious. You did all of that yourself?
Dustin: Yes, *he laughs* I did. I didn't believe so myself.
Clyde: Oh my. You're quite the outdoorsy type then.
Dustin: I'd like to think I am.
Clyde: I've enjoyed this date, Dustin. Again, I am sorry for even discussing your break-up. This is a fresh start for both of us.
Dustin: No, it was my fault for even mentioning it. Thank you for today, Clyde.
Clyde: I hope the rest of tonight follows suit.
.
.
Dustin: Please, get away from me Jupiter. I told you a million times that I don't want you. Sure, if I drunk maybe...but not in a million years when I'm sober. Okay?
Jupiter: Love me, Dustin. Admit you felt something all those nights past.
Dustin: You are nothing more than a lonely pleasure thing!
Jupiter: *he moans* Fine. I'll leave.
Clyde: Hey, Dustin. Thanks for staying around once I'd finished with all the dates.
Dustin: No problem. I wanted to talk to you about our...successful date.
Clyde: It was the most successful of the night, yes.
Dustin: Thank you for tonight. I've enjoyed every moment spent with you.
Hahahahaha. Death of....Dorothy Gale! Death!
Munchkin Marsha: Why ees sheh 'ere? Oh non...
Scarecrow Clyde: No, it cannot be. The wicked witch of the west.
She cannot be here while we mourn our Dorothy.
Tin TJ: She stole my heart. She must be punished.
Munchkin Bradley: She must have killed Dorothy! Punish her!
Wicked Greta: Oh, must I be punished? *she giggles evilly* It truly is a shame about your little friend. Sadly, she threatened to kill me. Bye bye...Dorothy Gale.
Wicked Greta: *evil cackle* Here I am. No Wizard that there is or was ever going to bring me down. Not even you, Galinda.
Jocelyn the Good: Ugh! She can't even remember my name!
Cowardly Ted the Lion: Oh my!
Tin TJ: Burn her! May she never...steal my heart again!
Flying Irma Monkey: *muttering* Oh no. My master...must flee...help me, others.
Greta: What...what is this?
Munchkins: Oh my! We cannot watch this!
Scarecrow Clyde: Burn her!
Greta: Burn...the...witch...
.
.
Are you even breathing? Oh, you must be...right? Greta, please.
I need to tell the others right now. I'll be right back...
----
Clyde: I'm anxious, but prepared. I think...this could either be the perfect day or end in me alone once more. I...I don't know.
Bart: I'm here to support you, pal.
Clyde: Thanks, Bart. Send the first one over.
Clyde: It's a pleasure to meet you. Please, take a seat.
Dustin: Okay, I will. Thank you for inviting me today.
I hear all about it from my sister, and...well, I thought I might as well try.
Might I say how handsome you are to be coming here on this date with me. Why couldn't you find someone else?
Dustin: Well, I...I thought I would try something different.
Clyde: Yes it is. And you are?
Jupiter: My name is Jupiter Hill. I competed on Simvivor once before the...well, it was cancelled. Now I want you.
Clyde: What?
Clyde: I...I don't know if I will go that far tonight, Jupiter.
Jupiter: With me around, of course you will.
Clyde: Ah, Min Hee, correct? I've seen you before...on that Jetset show.
Min Hee: Ah, yes. Of course. I have seen you on Hunt or Be Hunted.
Not sure how I feel about being on this sitcom.
.
.
Dustin: I...I would rather not talk about that, okay?
Clyde: Of course! No, you're here to talk to me, not about your love life.
Dustin: Thank you. Most people prefer to ramble on about that.
Dustin: Oh, okay. Well, as you know, I have a sister, Sharon, and she's everything to me. Do you know about that?
Clyde: Yes, I...I have a daughter named Abigail back home.
She's my sunshine and my moon.
Maybe one day I could, or at least be a step-father to someone else's.
Clyde: I think that is what I've always wanted; someone else to be there for my daughter and me.
Since I understand you do enjoy late night activities.
Jupiter: I own my family business too. We are high-class jewelers.
Nothing shady about that, isn't it?
Clyde: I suppose not.
Sadly, they passed away some time ago.
Clyde: Oh, I am sorry for your loss.
Jupiter: Don't be sorry, they were both horrible people. Now I am the most powerful person in the family.
Jupiter: Me? Nothing. I know the cameras are filming, so I won't fall for your pathetic trap to out me.
Clyde: You agreed to come here, Jupiter.
Jupiter: I want someone to love me! To pleasure me!
Jupiter: I'm not weak! I am not weak!
Clyde: Please, I'm not going anywhere with you.
Jupiter: You will regret saying no to me, Clyde Stoners.
Min Nee: That is not what I said.
Clyde: You told me you thought your friend would think you a coward if you didn't come.
Clyde: Well, here you are. How are you enjoying tonight then?
Min Hee: I am, I suppose. You are a well-groomed man, Clyde.
Remind me of an old friend of mine, you might recall him?
Min Hee: Look, you are an attractive man, Clyde, but I am unsure where this is going.
Clyde: I too. I don't know if we are clicking, Min Hee.
Clyde: What? Me? I have done nothing wrong. I have simply asked questions like any normal date.
Min Hee: I do not know, Clyde. Not feeling much of a spark at all.
Sorry for the poor date.
Min Hee: I am sorry too. You seem lovely but...we aren't connecting.
Clyde: I agree. I think we must only be friends.
Min Hee: Okay, Clyde.
Dustin: Yes, *he laughs* I did. I didn't believe so myself.
Clyde: Oh my. You're quite the outdoorsy type then.
Dustin: I'd like to think I am.
Dustin: No, it was my fault for even mentioning it. Thank you for today, Clyde.
Clyde: I hope the rest of tonight follows suit.
.
.
Jupiter: Love me, Dustin. Admit you felt something all those nights past.
Dustin: You are nothing more than a lonely pleasure thing!
Clyde: Hey, Dustin. Thanks for staying around once I'd finished with all the dates.
Dustin: No problem. I wanted to talk to you about our...successful date.
Clyde: It was the most successful of the night, yes.
Clyde: Me too. I expected for a night of terrible dates with guys much like Jupiter, but...for once, I found someone so much better.
Dustin: Hey, I have something to ask you...
.
.
.
Ted: Well said. I think tonight should be celebrated for everything it is.
Marsha: Yesh, Tedular. Non moire faights.
Greta: Tim, please. I can handle myself.
TJ: I know you can, but I just want her to know.
Greta: Thank you.
Greta: What? This isn't a...it's not a superhero movie.
Jocelyn: What is it then? Because you act like a spoiled villain.
Greta: You just act spoiled.
Dustin: Hello everyone. Clyde, can we talk?
Bradley: Joce, you should calm down. You too Greta.
Jocelyn: Oh right, I need to calm down.
Dustin: Yes, this is Sharon. Say hello, sis.
Sharon: Hey. Could you maybe flirt somewhere else?
Dustin: We're not...flirting.
We arranged for the two of you to meet before the performance.
Sharon: Oh my, is this actually her? Marsha Marshall?
Marsha: Eet ees.
Dustin: Hey, Clyde, let's talk over there.
Sharon: See? Of course I am a true fan. You are, leek, teh beast seengre 'round.
Marsha: Hehe, theenks. Steey to weetch mah 'mance toneeght?
Sharon: Totally!
Jocelyn: I can't speak for the criminal, but I will be delighted to enjoy tonight.
TJ: Greta is not a criminal, Jocelyn.
Jocelyn: An innocent is dead!
Goodbye everyone.
TJ: Greta! Come back! She doesn't mean all of this!
Greta: No, she does. I am a terrible person for staying here.
It is my time now to leave for good.
Greta: I...I love you too, TJ, but this must end.
TJ: Please...don't call me TJ. Jocelyn will apologize!
Greta: It wouldn't matter. Nobody will ever accept me here.
Greta: I doubt it, Tim. I doubt I will.
TJ: Please. Maybe...maybe I could leave with you?
Greta: I...I need my space. Please.
.
.
.
.
Marsha: 'ELLO EVRIEONE AND WELCOME TO MEH KEETCHEN!!
TWODEE MEH WASH JUSHT HUNGEENG RAUWND SIMTJOEB ET DEN AI FOWND DIES VEEDS ABOUT 'TWEURKEENG' AND DA EES SOME TRAND HIP SUWLTREE GLEETTUR PEWSIES LIKE MEH DEW, SO AI TRAID SOME NEEUW DANCEEN MEWVS TWODEE ET WREWT ANNADEUR SONG AHBAUT EET! 'ERE COMES DE MEWSICK NO GET STAWRTLES...!!!
Marsha: SPECCIUL EEFFEKT!!!
Ted: Go Marsha! Woo! You go!
TJ: Shut up, Ted. You'll throw her off. Please do.
SHEEK EET TEW DA LAFT SAIDE!!!
SHEEK EET TEW DA BEWTH SAIDE!!!
SHEEK EET ALLTEWGEDDA!!!
TEWDEE MEH SEEW DEES VEEDIOW
MEH HAD TOO DEW EEMMEEDIOW
DA VEED WUS BOUT DA TWEURKEENG DENCE
SOO JOYEENG ALLONG ET GET YEW TJENCE!!!
SHEEK EET TEW DA LAFT SAIDE!!!
SHEEK EET TEW DA BEWTH SAIDE!!!
SHEEK EET ALLTEWGEDDA!!!
AI SHEERED DEE VEED WIT ALL MEH FWENDZ
DEY CAM TEW MEH AND SHEERED DEY TWENDZ
DA VEED WUS BOUT DA TWEURKEENG DENCE
SOO JOYEENG ALLONG ET GET YEW TJENCE!!!
BUTT DEY UR JUS A SEELLEE WUZZ
DA VEED WUS BOUT DA TWEURKEENG DENCE
SOO JOYEENG ALLONG ET GET YEW TJENCE!!!"
SHEEK EET TEW DA RAIGHT SAIDE!!!
SHEEK EET TEW DA LAFT SAIDE!!!
SHEEK EET TEW DA BEWTH SAIDE!!!
SHEEK EET ALLTEWGEDDA!!!
*The audience has fled the building. Marsha looks surprised at first but then shrugs*
Ted: That was...spectacular! I am in awe, dear, of how stunning the performance was!
Marsha: Thinks, Teddy.
Jocelyn: I'd love to see my handsome little boy again.
TJ: We're heading home then.
Clyde: What a night. *he yawns* I'm tired.
------------------------------------------------------
Credits:
Alleen,
for Bradley
The
Singing Simmer, for Jocelyn
Lo,
for Devra
Turner,
for Ted
Tiger,
for Greta, Jupiter and Alex
Cake, for Moira
Penguin,
for Clyde
Twiddle,
for Irma
Vul,
for Marsha and Min Hee
Special thanks to Vul for writing Marsha's fantastic twerking tutorial and for submitting Min Hee for the blind dates. Sadly, there really was no 'spark' between them. Thanks to Yannik for submitting Dustin and Sharon; in Dustin's case, the two really hit it off at the blind dates.
Once again Jupiter heads home alone, or perhaps with someone else he picked up at a late night bar.
Tune in next time for the Christmas special!
-Tiger
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