Outside the Target, Episode Two: Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Here is the second episode of 'Outside the Target', titled...'Signed, Sealed, Delivered'.

Devra: Oh my god. What are you doing in my home? 

Lacey: We've come to see you!

Devra: Me? But...I'm nothing but a past contestant of High Hopes, like you...yet you're a goddess. 

Lacey: Aw, thanks. 

Stella: My sis wants to talk to you in private, Devra. 

Please, I'll be out of your hair in a minute. 

Lacey: Yeah, thanks sis. 

 Devra: What...me? You...want...me?

Lacey: Of course you, silly. You're Devra Eden, only the most amazing contestant of season two ever! Of course we want you!

Stella: I'll be outside, okay? 

Devra: Okay, I suppose we can talk then.  

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Bradley: *groans* Please, turn...out...the light. 
 Jocelyn: I can't, we don't have the light switch. 
Literally, I can't find it. Can you?
Bradley: *mumbling* I want to...sleep...please. 

Jocelyn: I want to have this baby already. I'm ready, imaginary person in the sky, I am ready. 

Tiger: I am not imaginary! 

Jocelyn: Did you hear someone or am I imagining things? 

Tiger: Again, not imaginary. Also, I love the new crib!   

Jocelyn: Bradley, this baby couldn't come any sooner. 

Can I promise you that we won't have another one? 

Bradley: *yawning* We're...having another baby. You...woke me...for it. 

Jocelyn: Please, maybe someone else can be our surrogate? 

Bradley: No. 

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*footsteps* 
Irma: Hello...is...is...
???: Is someone there? Is that your question? 
Yes, someone is there. Just little old me. 
Irma: Oh...no... 

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Ted: Ooh, french toast! 

Clyde: Indeed. I woke up earlier to learn the recipe for all of you. I thought I'd surprise everyone on our first official day in the new house! 

Ted: Very thoughtful, Clyde. 

Clyde: I thought so. 

 Clyde: Oh, sorry. Good morning Ted. Pleasant sleep? 

Ted: Yes, very pleasant. Thank you for asking. 

How about yourself?

Clyde: Different, but a quaint different. It is refreshing to have my own private space again.

Ted: Well, I cannot wait to dig in, Clyde. 

Clyde: I hope no one is allergic or dislikes french toast. I wasn't exactly sure of everyone's allergies, but I'm sure I can whip something else up for them. 

Ted: Clyde, you have done plenty enough for one morning. 

Clyde: For once my food looks delicious. Abigail...oh...she used to complain about my food. She said it looked like sloppy mess most of the time. 

Ted: I miss my lovely wife too, Clyde. It was a sacrifice we needed to make. 

Clyde: I wish I could speak with her again. 

Marsha: Gud morneen, boysh. 

Ted: Morning, love. Come and taste some of Clyde's delicious-looking breakfast. 

Marsha: Cleede mad foosh for breekfist? Lemme seh. 

Clyde: It's over on the counter. You like french toast? 

Ted: I am glad Marsha picked out the oven for us. This pink colour is very calming surrounded by the white and grey. I do like it. 

Clyde: Yeah, it cooks well, so I can't complain. 

Ted: Very stylish. Much more stylish than any plain oven. 

Clyde: So true. 

Marsha: Stywish oveen. Moi leek eet. 

*she glances at the french toast* 

Marsha: Moi...hmm....shood moi conshoom theese? 

Ted: Taste some, Marsha. Very delicious.

Clyde: Thank you, Ted.  

Marsha: Moi feelsh seek. 

Ted: Is there something in french toast that upsets your stomach, Marsha? 

Marsha: Moi...weele nit eat theet. Non, non. 

Ted: Are you watching your figure, love? 

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 Greta: Tim, please. Talk to me.

TJ: I kinda want to be alone right now. Think about what happened last night, you know. 

Greta: What happened last night...nothing happened last night...

TJ: Exactly. 

Greta: If you want to talk to me at all, please. 
Tim, I...I do love you. I'm committed to this. 
TJ: And I appreciate that, and I...love you too, but...
Greta: I'll give you your space. If that is what you want. 
TJ: Greta...

Greta: Have I ever told you how much I love those flame pants? 
TJ: You have. Every night when you tear them off. 
Greta: Don't tell everyone about that! 
TJ: The whole world knows now, baby. 

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Irma: I...I...cannot..bre-

Ted: This french toast is superb, Clyde. I'm sorry Marsha isn't appreciating it as much. She must prepare for her live performance tomorrow night. 

Clyde: I am simply glad you're enjoying it, Ted. 

Irma: Cannot...breathe...I...

Clyde: Stop being dramatic. 

Irma: Help..........

Clyde: You're perfectly normal, lady. Please, do I need to contact the authorities and turn you in for attempted homicide and whatever else. 

Ted: Are you sure Irma is okay? She looks...ill. 

Clyde: Ill in the brain, sure. The board hasn't contacted her in forever, so I suppose she's willing to finally cave in and die.

Irma: Help me...Clyde...I...I...I...

Clyde: You need to stop being over-dramatic and just stand up again. 

Irma: I... 

Marsha: Moi cannoot eevin look at eet.

 Greta: Good morning, Marsha. Pleasant sleep? 

I miss being host over you all.

TJ: Yeah, I miss that too. *he winks* 

Greta: Hey! Not in here!  

Marsha: Moi neds freesh aher. Awah from bed romeence. 

 TJ: Did she say 'bad' or 'bed'?

Greta: Knowing her, probably both. 

Marsha: Marsha 'eel beh outseed if need moi. 

TJ: This...is this french toast? Yeah, it is. It looks great. 

Greta: Your ass looks great. 

TJ: Hey now, I thought we weren't flirting in this space. 

Greta: I wasn't flirting. Just stating the obvious. 

TJ: I can't wait to taste this, Clyde. It looks very good. 

Clyde: I'm glad you think so. Jury's out on Marsha, though. 

Greta: Oh she hates it. 

Marsha: Moi...oh non. Eet cannit beh. 

Ted: What is it, Marsha?

Marsha: Meen grills. 

TJ: Mean grills? What does that mean? 

Greta: Mean girls. She means 'mean girls'. 

Marsha: Meen grills. 'Welve clock. 

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Ted: Where did they come from? 

Greta: Who? Lacey and Stella from Season One of High Hopes? 

Ted: Yes. I didn't see them arrive this morning. 

Clyde: They didn't arrive this morning. Last night...

Marsha: Ewe theenk...

Clyde: They've been here all night long, brainwashing Devra...

Greta: No, I remember them from Season One. Little known fact: I was one of the producers. They were...sweet. 

Marsha: Peepill chang. Peepill chang.

Lacey: So, girl, you loving the new look? 

Devra: Hell yeah! Pink naturally suited me, but if I add in the luscious pink locks...oh my god! I look like a true goddess. 

Lacey: You are a goddess, baby! 

Devra: Damn right! 

Ted: You do not think? 

Greta: That the two girls will con Devra into something? 

I doubt it. 

Marsha: Ewe cannit be shore. Moi meen...Debra ees 'ater. 'Aters leek consh. 

Ted: I do not...I do not know.

Greta: From watching Devra this past season, I think I know her quite well. She's passionate, sure, but she's grounded. Not literally, Marsha. 

Marsha: Moi knew what meent. 

Greta: Sorry. She's...well, she knows exactly what she wants, and it is not what the Hiatt sisters have. 

Ted: You are sure about this? I would hate-

Greta: To lose her? You won't. 

 Ted: How can you be sure about that, Greta? 

Greta: Oh, I don't perfectly know her, but I can hope. 

For your sake. 

Jocelyn: For whose sake? 

Ted: Devra has new friends who want to con her into following them to Hiddenwood.

Bradley: She won't do that. She knows her home is here, with us. 

Right? 

Devra: Everyone is watching us like peregrines. 

I can't stand it. 

Lacey: Stella, can you go and see what they want? 

Devra: I know what they want. It's me. 

Maybe...we should head back to my suite.

  Lacey: Hold on...let me quickly tweet about this. 
Devra: Is that...oh, nevermind. It surely must be, maybe I should too? 
Lacey: No, I've tweeted for the both of us! Hehe, love it. 
Devra: Stella, are you coming with us? 

Lacey: Come on, Devra. Hurry up! 
Devra: I was waiting for Stella- oh, she's still swimming. 
Lacey: Don't worry about her. Come on, baby! 
Devra: Coming, hehe. See ya, Stell. 

Jocelyn: They're disappearing around that corner. Hello? They are leaving right now. 

Bradley: Ignore them, Joce. Although...I didn't think I'd see Ted on a mobile phone.

Ted: Marsha sent me an image on this device. Ooh! 

What a pleasant self portrait! 

Devra: Lacey, where did you go? 

Lacey: You're the slow girlie! Hurry up, I thought you could walk fast! 

Devra: Ooh, pretty wave! 

Lacey: Stop staring at the wave mural thing! 

Clyde: We missed them. Gee, they are both fast. 

Marsha: Heh. Whey ees moi even 'eer? 

 Clyde: You're worried about Devra, aren't you? 

I know she's your 'ater', but you are worried.

Marsha: Non, shei can 'ugger off. 

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Lacey: Not so hard! Not so hard! 

Devra: This isn't supposed to be for little girls, Lacey! 

You aren't trying hard enough! 

Lacey: Since when did princess Devra care so much? 

Devra: It's goddess Devra, thank you. 

Lacey: You're amazing, you know that. 

Devra: I do know that, thank you. 

I'm totally amazing. 

Lacey: I do think you could be, like, mega-famous. 

Forget being a princess, become a celebrity! 

Devra: That sounds...super fun! Okay! 

Lacey: Yay! Best friends for life! Haha, I'm kidding. 

I'm not twelve. Anymore. 

Devra: You would have been hilarious at twelve. 

Lacey: Shh! Hehe. 

Stella: Hello, anyone? Hello? 
Ted: They left her by herself in the pool. Maybe we should...
Bradley: No, we need to spy on Devra. 
Jocelyn: I'm...I'll be up in our suite, okay, Bradley. 

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TJ: Good morning, Irma. Nice to see you wearing some different clothes this morning. 

Irma: They...they stole...old clothes...please? 

TJ: Please what? Steal your old clothes back from the laundry room? 

No thank you. 

Irma: Please...

TJ: Not until you help me with something first. 

Irma: Non...no, no....please? 

TJ: Could you possibly speak in proper sentences for me? 

It would make our conversations a lot more thrilling. 

Irma: No...please? 

TJ: I'm tired of your bullshit, Irma. I've had enough. You will help me or else you will be speaking with the other inmates in the mental institute. 

I have one simple proposition. 

Irma: Yes, yes? 

TJ: I need you to contact someone from me. I believe a cousin by the name of Atmo? You once told me...he helps in...situations. 

Irma: Moi not know an Atmo man. 

TJ: You...you spoke a full sentence! Thank the lord. 

Okay, you do know him. He is your cousin. Please, contact him. 

Irma: I...I...I want...

TJ: You will have your old clothes back. Deal? 

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 Clyde: What are they talking about in there?

Ted: Hmm...I cannot seem to understand. Why did her suite have to be sound-proofed? 

Marsha: Eet ees not. They ees nit speckeen. 

Clyde: Oh, right. 

 Lacey: I can't wait till you're just as big as I am! We'll be...unstoppable together! Can't you see it? 

Devra: I can...and I love it. I love it! 

Lacey: Me too, baby! Me too! 

Devra: Hehe.

 Lacey: Look at you. You're...beautiful. Well, not as beautiful as me. 

You're going to be...popular. Famous. 

Devra: I...I want to. I truly do. 

Lacey: Then you will. Yay! I can't wait! 

Devra: Wait...I saw someone behind us.

 Lacey: Don't be silly! Maybe it was Stella? 

Stella, is that you? 

Stella: I'm here! You forgot me in the pool. 

Devra: I didn't forget you. You didn't hear me. 

Stella: I have exceptional hearing.

 Lacey: The three of us will be...unstoppable. Boys will want us, girls will absolutely and totally hate us, and old people will be dying! They can't harm us! 

Stella: We can apply for Season 3 of High Hopes! 

Lacey: Don't say that. No thanks. 

 Devra: I heard Greta sold that season to convicted...something. 

Criminals, maybe? Maybe not. 

Stella: That's horrible. Like actually horrible. Has she been punished? 

Devra: Not that I know of. Wait...she lives with us. Never mind.

 Lacey: Is anyone in here?

I'm bored, I want to catch someone. Hello? 

Stella: I bet she only saw me. Come back here, Lace. 

Lacey: Okay, coming! Devra, we should go shopping! 

Devra: Oh my...yes!

Greta: That was close. 

Stella: I dibs driving! 

Lacey: Good, I didn't want to drive anyway. I hate driving. 

Stella: Can we invite Matthew? I miss him. 

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 TJ: Now we made a deal. You will contact Atmo right this instant or our deal is off. You may be behind bars, but I can still hurt you. 

Irma: I...I...old clothes, now. 

TJ: Not until you answer my end of the deal. 

Irma: Please...

 TJ: Not-

Irma: Not until your end of the deal is answered, yes. I know. 

I can hear you, my dear. 

TJ: Wha-what? 

Irma: You thought I couldn't actually speak. Oh, TJ, I am a lot smarter than you think.

 TJ: Why did you pretend like you had lost all of your ability to say anything but mutter? You...you liar...why? 

Irma: *giddily, mocking* 'Cause you would have tortured me! 

TJ: Tortured you? We aren't monsters. 

Irma: You locked me in here.

 TJ: Fair point, but we couldn't trust- mostly can't trust you. 

Irma: Yet you came to me with a deal? 

TJ: You can help me, and I believe you will. 

You help me and I will trust you. 

Irma: Yes? 

 TJ: You help me with this and there is an opening for you. A possibility that you could be freed from your prison here and left to leave us alone. Or...

Irma: You would never agree on that. I cannot help. 

TJ: Please, you can have your old clothes. 

Irma: Look, I don't care for me clothes.

TJ: What the hell do you want then? 

Irma: I want...I want what you cannot give me. 

TJ: And what exactly is that, sister? 

Irma: My connection to the board again. I...I need...them. 

 TJ: The board...I should have known...

Irma: I...please...

*he tightens his grip* 

TJ: I wanted you to help me, that's all. I needed to talk to Atmo, that's all. 

But you refused to help me. Now I will never trust you.

 Irma: *choking* Why...why...him? 

TJ: I don't think you deserve to know why I need to talk to Atmo, after you refuse to help me out for one small favour. 

Irma: Please...tell... 

*he lets her go*

TJ: Fine. There were...problems...last night with Greta.

 Irma: Problems? You...you couldn't? 

TJ: I didn't come here for you to irritate me and pick on me. 

Can you contact him or not? 

Irma: I...I...my...old clothes, please? 

TJ: Jesus Christ. 

-----

 Stella: I'm so happy! We saw my baby, Matthew! 

He's so adorable, I love him...Lacey? 

Lacey: Oh...my...god. 

Stella: What is it, Lace? 

Devra: I decided I can't go anywhere with you, Lacey. My home is here, with my...friends. I am terribly sorry, and I hope we can stay in touch, but...this is where I belong. For now, at least. 

Stella: Of course we can be best friends! 

Lacey: I'm very disappointed, baby.

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 Jocelyn: Bradley! 

Bradley: Yes, baby. Is something the matter? 

Jocelyn: I wish you would stop stressing. You'll be an amazing father, I know it. Please, calm down. 

Bradley: There's...there's too much to think about.

 Bradley: Like...what happens when you don't wake up in the middle of the night? How I am supposed to breast feed the baby? 

Jocelyn: I'll wake up, I promise.

Bradley: What if...what if you leave me with the baby all day and I can't change her diaper? 

Jocelyn: I'll teach you before I leave. No, I'll teach you now.

Bradley: What if I'm a terrible dad and she hates me? 

What if...oh, what if she cries when I hold her? 

Jocelyn: Bradley, listen to me. *singing* Oh, it's a long, long while from May to December. The days grow short...when you reach September...

Bradley: Jocelyn... 

 Jocelyn: You will be a wonderful dad, Brad. I know so. 

Bradley: You're just saying that because you love me. 

Jocelyn: *singing* When the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame...one hasn't got time-

  Jocelyn: Bradley....

Bradley: Yes, baby. What's wrong? 

Jocelyn: *pulling her hand away* Shit! Ouch. Uh, the baby is coming, Bradley. 

Bradley: The baby? It's not time...I'm not ready!

 Jocelyn: Shut up and help me! My hand hurts and I'm in labour, for crying out loud. 

Bradley: What can I do, call someone from the hospital? 

Jocelyn: Call an ambulance! Please! 

Bradley: I'm on it!

 Bradley: I can't find my phone! 

Jocelyn: Keep looking! Please! 

Bradley: You're in labour! I don't want to leave you alone screaming! 

Jocelyn: I don't want to give birth at home, Brad!

 Bradley: Uh! I'll go and tell the others to help out! 

Jocelyn: Please! Do that! I'm running out of time here! 

Bradley: Are you sure? I thought labour was long...

Jocelyn: Bradley! 

Bradley: HELP US! 

Jocelyn: Please...I need...to go to....the hospital. 

Bradley: Okay, I'm going now. We'll be there in no time. 

Jocelyn: Hurry...up!

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Credits: 

Lo, for Devra

 Legend/Party, for Lacey and Stella

 Alleen, for Bradley

The Singing Simmer, for Jocelyn

Twiddle, for Irma

 Penguin, for Clyde 

Turner, for Ted 

Vul, for Marsha

 Yannik, for TJ (aka Timothy Jacob) 

Tiger, for Greta